I would give my left nut (that is, if I had either a right or left nut to give) to see the following people fail. And by fail, I mean that I’d like to be behind them in the grocery store as they ask the cashier to hold back the raisin bread so they can afford the chicken patties. Chances are, this will never happen to any of these people. But a girl can always wish. So here, in no particular order, are my five people:
1. Terri Hatcher
2. Kevin Federline
3. Paris Hilton
4. Beyonce
5. Catherine Zeta Jones
What? No George Bush? No need to waste an entry on a man who is already so clearly failing.
I was recently challenged to reveal five things that you don’t know about me. I thought learning that I put ketchup on my macaroni and cheese didn’t really qualify, so I decided to dig a bit deeper. Some of these things I haven’t even talked about with untitledhusband. This wasn’t easy, but I feel better now that I’ve put it out there.
1. I was a cheerleader in high school. I didn’t really enjoy it, but I liked the idea that I was able to achieve the ideal of being a cheerleader. I still have the uniform in my closet.
2. When I was in junior high, I was fat and unpopular. When I was in high school, I was regular-sized and popular. Life is so much easier when you’re not fat.
3. When I fly, I tuck the seat belt in by my side so the stewardess won’t see that it doesn’t fit around me. I know they have seat belt extenders, but I’m too humiliated to ask for one.
4. The first record (OK, cassette) I ever bought was “Get Lucky” by Loverboy. The last record (OK, CD) I bought was “1000 Kisses” by Patti Griffin.
5. I have a successful career, a nice house, a gorgeous husband and a beautiful child, yet I cannot find the courage to attend my high school reunion — all because of my weight.