Have you SEEN these things? Bumper Nuts, they’re called. I pulled up behind an old Ford truck at a stoplight the other day, and he had a pair of these hanging from his bumper. I wasn’t able to whip out my digital camera fast enough, for once the light turned green, he took off like a bat out of hell (not that I expected him to do anything less).
When you go to the Bumper Nuts web site, they seem to be targeting truck owners. But I do believe they are missing a key market - mini van owners. I mean, if you’re a man and you’re driving around an old Dodge Caravan with rancid sippy cups rolling around the back, you probably spend the majority of your time yearning for your long lost balls — the ones you surrendered when you slid behind the wheel. Stick a pair of Bumper Nuts on the back, right next to the soccer ball decal and the Mary Kay sticker, and you’re good to go. No one will question your manhood again.
What’s that? What will you do on Sundays, or when you need to attend PTA meetings, bake sales and quilting bees? No worries. You can discretely cover your Bumper Nuts with a Nut Sack. It’s a little sacthel-type thing they sell to drape over your Bumper Nuts when you’re feeling not-so-ballsy. Laugh if you will, but realize that somewhere, someone is getting rich off this idea.