Douche-bag lunch.

douche·bag·lunch (DOOSH’bag lunch) n. A brown bag lunch arranged by one’s superior at work, in which all are forced to surrender their lunch hours in order to attend what amounts to a work meeting. Perhaps even more appalling, lunch is not provided. “What the fuck! El Capitan just took it upon himself to call a douche-bag lunch. Hijack my lunch hour and you best be bringing the Blimpie, beotch.”


poop·off (POOP’awf) n. An event in which two people (usually women) find themselves stuck in public bathroom stalls, each waiting for the other to leave so one can poop in private. “I just had a marathon POOP-OFF with some old bluehair in the Target bathroom. After 20 minutes, her sphincter couldn’t take it anymore and she left. It was like a scene from ‘High Noon.'”


e·parent (EEE PAHR’unt) n. A father or mother who monitors his or her children at daycare via a webcam. “I just saw Preston whap my son upside the head with a piece of Hot Wheels track. Meanwhile, the teacher was standing in the corner, pulling her pants out of her cooch. I hate to be an e-parent, but I am soooo calling daycare.”

Headache zit.

head·ache zit (HED’ake ziht) n. A facial blemish so deep and venomous, simply touching it results in an instant headache. Not to be confused with its equally painful cousin, the dreaded ear zit. “Dude, I’m out for the night. I accidentally brushed my headache zit when changing shirts and now I’m seeing floaters.”