On Monday, Al Roker of the Today Show did a Hurricane Wilma live shot from a hotel balcony in Florida. As you can see, a member of the production crew was forced to serve as a human anchor for Al by clinging to his leg during the live shot (not unlike one of those tiny stuffed bears whose outstreteched limbs clipped on to the collar of your winter coat in junior high). What resulted was a classic TV moment.
I imagine the internal dialogue went something like this:
Al Roker: “I’ve waited 20 years for this moment, when I could rest my fine nubian ball sack high atop the alabaster forehead of a cracker-ass producer on national TV. SUCK it, Lauer! SUCK it!”
Producer: “Six years of study at the Columbia School of Journalism, and for what? To be nothing more than an ass hammock for Big Al.”
I have no doubt that THIS is what the inventors of live shot technology had in mind when they unfurled their beast onto the world of television news.
(View the actual video and enjoy Jon Stewart’s take on The Daily Show. Just click on “Roker Wrangler” under Headlines.)
What’s this I see on my way to work? Is it Snow White and the Seven Dwarves? Or Hong Kong Hooker and the Seven Johns? Let’s see, there’s Anal and Missionary in the background, kicking back with a satisfying smoke. Standing at attention in front of the grotto are Hand Job, Blow Job, Tea Bag, and everyone’s favorite — Three-Way. Oh, and who could forget Tantric — that’s him meditating on the right, polishing the wood for what must be the 11th straight hour. The way he’s going, he could rub the grain right out of a 2 X 4. That damn Tantric. Always so… withholding. What a killjoy.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, this new photo feature of mine is called untitledeye. A pretty fancy name for what amounts to me and my camera. Every day, I see some f’d up things, whether it be a administrative assistant wearing clear acrylic stripper slides on casual Friday, or a car’s rear window filled with stuffed Garfields, each dressed up in a different outfit. Someone needs to be archiving this shit. And it might as well be me.
Before you get all up in my grill about pixels and depth of field, keep in mind that untitledeye is soooo not about photo quality. It’s about capturing these images while not inciting a beat-down or a lawsuit from the photo’s subject.
I’m not sure how often untitledeye will grace our presence. The photo muse comes when she’s good and ready, kind of like Hong Kong Hooker. It seems we’ve come full-circle now, so my work here is finished.