All of you with kids – does your mother charge you for babysitting?
I’m not talking regular sitting, because that, in my mind, would call for some remuneration. I’m talking once-in-a-blue-moon sitting. In fact, this is only the second time we’ve ever asked untitledmother to watch untitledson in all of his four years. I’ve got to ask, because untitledmother recently charged me $100 for watching untitledson for one week. It was during a Montessori sabbatical, and the sitter we had lined up bailed at the last minute. We were in a major bind.
So I called untitledmother about two weeks prior and asked her to come down for a week and watch him. “I can even pay you,” I said, being what I thought was gracious and now know was just plain foolish. “Yes, I can do that. But I WILL need to get paid, since I am taking some days off work.” “That’s fine,” I said, since I had no other options. I mean, she wouldn’t actually follow through and demand payment, would she? I thought that perhaps after spending some time with her untitledson, she’d melt a bit and see that taking money for watching one’s own grandchild would be a bit callous. I was wrong. She cashed that check faster than Larry Birkhead.
A little context here – two weeks after watching untitledson, I took off four days of work to stay with her during her bariatric surgery. During this time, I incurred numerous expenses, including about $100 in gas and $60 in meals. This doesn’t even count the pain and suffering I endured while watching her sleep off the anesthesia (which was like watching an old troll suffocating on her own neck fat).
During the hospital stay, I had to beg her to spring for my motel room (she was going to make me sleep in a hospital recliner, until hospital staff informed her that isn’t appropriate). Did I ask for reimbursement for my meals and parking and gas? No. Did she even offer reimbursement for these things? No. So how can she charge me for watching untitledson, knowing that in two weeks, I was going to take four vacation days and numerous hits to the pocketbook to take care of her?
What a twat.What makes me fume even more is that every year, she watches her granddaughter (my brother’s daughter) for one week during the summer. She takes about three days off work, and pays daycare for the other days. Total cost to my brother = $0. Why does she charge me for sitting, but not him?
I’d bring up all this fuckery to her, but she has a way of justifying everything in her own mind. It’s the same thing that makes her quietly retreat when it comes time to pay for dinner. She’ll weakly say, “Oh, let me get that…” as I pick up the bill, and drop her hand back to her lap before I can even respond.I believe in karma, in so much that it is my karmic responsibility to usher justice to her doorstep. I’d love to recoup my $100 (and the $160 she owes me for the gas and meal expenses I incurred during her surgery stay). But teaching her a lesson is most important here.
Oh, did I mention that I have her credit card info written down here in my dayplanner? Seriously, I do. Half-tempted to publish it right here and let you guys have it at.
My family never charges me to watch my two children. Ever. And to be honest? Once a week or so they beg to spend the night there and she takes them both. So I have usually one night a week kid-free, free of charge. Granted, my husband dones quite a bit of work at her house; however, she doesn’t charge to watch any of her 7 grandchildren. Also? I watched my nephew for a year and a half full time and did not charge my sister a penny, despite needing the money. We figure it’s family so we help.
That really does suck that you have to do that. The best course of action would be to talk to her and tell her your feelings. And ask why your brother doesn’t have to pay, yet you do, despite being there to nurse her back to health after surgery.
You should order yourself something really nice. Somewhere in the ballpark of $100.00. Haha.
Watching an old troll suffocating on her neck fat…that is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
She’s unbelievable.
Congrats on the weight loss.
You know at one point I’d be sitting here with my jaw hanging at the insanity that is untitledmother, but after reading every post on here, it’s like “oh thats all?”
Untitled, I’m sure we can find someone to “take care of her” if you were so inclined. But man, I get the whole “you have to love your family but you don’t have to like them” thing, but she’s really gotta be pushing it now.
In a nutshell, you are a saint for enduring any amount of time with her.
I love your blog. Please post more often. I am sad and irritable when you do not post.
Congrats on the weight loss! The mother does continue to sink to new lows. Possibly a little retail therapy would help you feel better? You’re gonna’ need some smaller pants soon.
Totally missed you when you were on hiatus, or whatsit.
But congratulations on losing so much weight. I myself am on a diet with the help of those poo-disaster inducing alli pills. Six weeks, six pounds. Is it worth it? Damn fucking straight.
Your small pants give me hope.
My father retired young (50) last year and before he started his next career or whatever he wanted to be my daycare for my 2 boys last summer. “How many days a week can I have them?” I had to argue that summer is my slow season and that I would like to see them too. Fishing, canoeing, bicycling, rollerblading, they had such a great time that he hopes to make it a yearly thing. I wouldn’t have been able to raise my kids to be such great people without my parents’ help.
Even my ex-inlaws don’t charge me for childcare, they just call when they miss them, ask me to bring them over for a day. They cuddle and play with the new husband’s baby that isn’t even their grandchild.
I am sorry that this is the reality with your mom. Some people never run out of ways to hurt and disappoint us. And I know that it is hard to stop wishing that things will change, and to be realistic, that she’s not capable of being selfless.
Please don’t be such a stranger, I was worried about you.
Untitled,
Congrats on all the weight loss. I urge you to lose about 350 more pounds — all of it that’s attached to your mother. Sheesh! It’s amazing how absolutely lopsided people can be in the treatment of their children. It’s equally amazing to see how they engineer the pitting of one child against another, and I have never understood what there is to be gained from that, although my mother has done it all of our lives.
I love the line from “Providence” where the sister who’s lived in Providence all along says to the one who has come home, “How come Mom knows how to push my buttons so well?” The sister replied, “Because she’s the one who installed them.” (If I have mentioned this before, I apologize for repeating myself, but that’s such a wonderful damn line!)
I second what everyone else has said about missing you — good to see you back again.
Anne
I wish I could share my mamma and daddy with you! In fact, I will, for what it’s worth, even though we are prolly far apart. I share them with many, and always have. When I was younger, it would irritate me that so many of my friends and my sisters friends called my mamma and daddy “mom and dad” but now looking back on it as an adult, I see that those who did call them “mom and dad” were not as fortunate as ourselves. I can only hope that I can be the mom and my husband be the dad that our childrens friends look to. If only we were closer, I’d lend a hand during your time of need. My husband is stationed in the Navy on the East coast and when we relocated there 2 years ago, I had never been more than about 5 minutes from my family. We had been fortunate in that he did not face any deployments, however, when his command went underway for a 3 month “good will tour” he had been gone for about a month when I came down with meningitis and hospitalized. Now what am I going to do I thought. Here I am 1200 miles from home, didn’t know anyone so to speak. By the grace of God, I had met a wonderful lady at the Family Support Group the month before. My daughter happened to have been at that meeting and she met the lady as well. This lady whose husband also served upon the same ship came to my rescue. She called my folks, but for them to board a plane at the last minute would have cost $1200 dollars each. They were willing to do so, but this kind lady said no, it’s ok, we’ll contact the ship, get her husband home, and they will be ok with me. I felt comfortable with her and confident the children would be safe with her. What I want to say to those out there reading this is that if you have parents or family, friends that take care of you, support you in any way, never take them for granted. Don’t wait until they are gone or until they are dying to tell them how thankful you are for them. You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. And if you are lucky to have been blessed, share what you have with others. I am happy I did share my mamma and daddy. I just wish I hadn’t have acted so selfishly way back when. The good news is, I realized it early enough in my adult life (I am 36 now) that I have put away the childish, selfish behavior and continue to share them. Keep up the great work with your weight loss. I too struggle with my weight and am currently working towards getting the lap band done. I hope to share my experiences with you. Your website is great, I love that you are so open, and no holds barred. I feel like somehow you and I are long lost friends somehow. We have so many similarities in the way we feel about things. Now don’t get me wrong, there are things about my mamma I would change. Oh, are there things I would change. First I’d get that woman on some anti-depressants, then I’d get her into a psychologist. She’s not nuts, she’s just been through some real tough times with losing siblings in the last 8 years, she’s lost 3 sisters and her mother. But I think it is par for the course for us as daughters to not see eye to eye with our mothers. But we still must love them. I guess that’s what they say anyhow. I must close now, I didn’t intend on this to become a novel!!! I shall write again soon!
I’d not be reaching for the check at dinner for awhile. Even if it meant sitting there and sitting there and sitting there. And sitting there some more.
She’s a lesson in how not to be.
You deserve better.
You should tell untitledmother that you have saved her a place at (insert worst nursing home in the city here).
Let her know that at the deal they were giving, you couldn’t help but drop down a deposit.
Seriously untitled, there has to be something that would make her squirm.
Oh dear. Those silly mothers. Seems like the have their own little universe where emotions, common sense, loyalty and plain old sanity are inverse.
On the up side you called her a Twat! That is so hardcore! Two words wise men never utter are Twat and the “C” word (sounds like hunt) See? I’m to much of a wuss to even type the second one.
First? Congratulations! The weight loss is wonderful.
Second? Whatta bitch. I join you in fuming. My mother? Let’s see. Boy 1’s 13th birthday was 5 days ago. No phone call, no card, nothing. Lovely. Well done, grandma. I like that karma thought though, I’m going with that.
Untitled, you’re such a tease. Last time you made us wait from July 19th to September 17th for a post! Now it’s almost been a month again. Your fans really need to hear from you more often. Put a smile on our faces, please.
As for your mom….I found this definition of TWAT on the web-
fathead: a (wo)man who is a stupid incompetent fool
Sounds like it fits!
Meantime…
I hope you paid off your Pottery Barn bedding with mother’s credit card.
Yes, sadly the mother who dumped me a my grandparents every weekend for 14 years won’t sit her grandchild without reimbursement for gas. Ironically, she thinks that a 5 mile drive equals $20 in gas. Oh, and the kicker? She babysat my niece for 5 years for free.
We miss you!
My God, it’s been so long you must be a size EIGHT by now!!
i agree with ms. pantophobia above. i don’t know what to do with myself after having gone through all of your archived entries and having checked multiple times for the past few months in hope of a new entry. don’t let that pressure you or anything. haha.
happy holidays!
WHERE ARE YOU ???? PLEASE POST MORE OFTEN. I LOVE YOUR WRITING.
Darn. I was hoping one of your new year’s resolutions would have been to blog more often ;(
Is this the same website that hammers the Duggars? All I see here is divorce, hatred, debt, and unhappiness.
We miss you. Please return.
Untitled? Are you ever coming back? You are so missed!!!! Please come back and let us know how life is these days.
I check your blog every day to see if you’ve posted yet, and everyday I’m disappointed… Please write something! You’re my favorite blogger.