Gosh, I feel a tad sheepish even posting, it’s been so damn long. Perhaps it would be less awkward if I just faded away into blog oblivion. Work’s been a shitstorm as of late, and I barely have time for my 3 o’clock popcorn. Blasphemy.
Don’t know if I’m looking any smaller, but I thought I’d flop it out on the table for you all to see anyway. Let’s see, as of this morning, I have lost a total of 85 pounds (65 since day of surgery). I am size 24/26 now, which means not only can I shop in Lane Bryant. I’m not even the biggest size in Lane Bryant. (If you feel the tremor where you’re at, that’s me shaking my bony ass).
Only 65 pounds, and you had surgery five months ago? Well, yes. Turns out I’m a slow loser. There are these old women on www.obesityhelp.com that have lost 20 pounds more than me at this point, and they don’t even exercise. Argggh! It’s kind of a bummer, but oh well. I have to stay focused on the big picture. I weigh 85 pounds less than last summer. Even if I didn’t lose another pound, it would’ve been worth it.
Last month, I lost like one or two pounds. Talk about a mindfuck. Meanwhile, I lost two inches from my waist. Anyone who diets has to know this happens. Now I’m losing again, but the inches are staying stable. The body is a fucked up temple filled with evil gnomes. The kind that make you weigh 280 this hour, and 276 next hour. I mean, seriously. There’s just no excuse for those shenanigans.
After doing a little research, I found out that the main reason that I am a slow loser is that my surgeon bypasses less intestine (like 105 cm). The benefit is that I have fewer food intolerances and nutrient malabsorption issues. In other words, I won’t be sucking up what’s left of my bones with a Dustbuster when I’m 50. The drawback — the weight comes off slower. At the end of year one, we all supposedly even out.
The hardest part right now? I’d say the eating. If I eat even a few bites past my limit, I am very uncomfortable. To the point where it just feels better to throw up. Don’t worry - there’s no looming bulimia here. If I was capable of bulimia, I would’ve fully embraced it and I wouldn’t have needed surgery.
There’s no pattern as to what makes me sick. I’ve thrown up on a small quantity of light microwave popcorn (which I’ve eaten many times before and many times after without consequence). I’ve also thrown up on, duh, a Cadbury egg (bock bock UGGGGGGGGH), a too-big protein bar (maltitol sweetener), and a Smart Ones fettucine and broccoli meal. Meanwhile, I have tolerated chips and queso and M&Ms (again, small quantities and not very often). So like I said, no rhyme or reason. I just have to come to terms with the fact that every now and then, I will hurl. But again — it’s worth it.
The most unexpected part? Ah, there are many. I was surprised at how quickly I began to feel better. After 20 pounds lost, I had exponentially more energy. My blood pressure had dropped considerably as well. My mental state, which I did not realize was suffering, has also improved. When you feel good and look good (comparitively), everything just seems sunnier. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday seem more like Friday, if you know what I mean.
I have also been surprised at how I have taken to exercise. I work out 4-5 days each week, doing 32 minutes on the elliptical, and about 15-20 minutes of weights. It’s not a leisurely workout, with me reading Good Housekeeping or something. I really get after it. The proof is in my hair. When I return to work after my lunchtime workout, I look like a truckstop whore who bathes in a bathroom sink. untitledhusband would say that’s completely unrelated to my workout, bless his heart.
I do see loose skin - under my chin, arms, stomach and thighs. I hope it firms up a bit. I have read that the slow losers like me usually have less problems with loose skin, so I hope that’s the case. I’ve also read that exercise really helps. Don’t know if this is true, but I’ll keep at it, especially since I actually enjoy it now.
About four to six weeks ago, the comments started flowing in, all of a sudden. “What are you doing?” “Oh my gosh, you are melting away!” “You’ve lost a shitload of weight, right?” That last one is my personal favorite. It’s more awkward than I expected, because after the compliment is given, an explanation is expected. With most people, I just say I’m eating less and exercising more — which is completely true. With people who look like they could use the surgery themselves, I am honest. I don’t usually like to bend over like that, but if one person goes on to have the surgery, it will be worth it. I find myself wanting to go up to certain people and say, “Seriously, just go have this done. You will thank me.” But I can’t do that.
All in all, this whole process has been so much easier than I ever thought it would be. I never feel deprived. I’m always satisfied. My cravings are like one-fourth of what they used to be. Don’t get me wrong — it hasn’t been a cure-all. I do have to work at it, getting my protein and working out and drinking all that water. But I finally feel like I have the same willpower and ability to be satisfied as everyone else.
Now I don’t know if this is just my perception or not. But I feel like people actually see me as a person now, worthy of having a door held open for her. Worthy of a first conversation. Worthy of respect. Before, I felt like an obese object. I had to work to peak people’s interest. My personality had to make up for my shitty clothes and all that fat. I don’t feel like this anymore, even though I am still quite fat. It’s amazing how much confidence returns with the ability to cross one’s legs. And I will continue crossing them until the surgeon uncrosses them for my varicose vein surgery when I’m 40.
Perhaps this wasn’t my most humorous post. But it’s where I’m at right now, as I sit on my porch listening to Wilco and the crickets. Give me a few days, and I’ll tell you all about how untitledmother bought a sweet little dog and returned it within three days, all because it was “too much work.” What a fucking loveless hag. Oh, don’t get me started… I need to go watch TV.
Speaking of TV… a free bariatric protein shake — banana flavored — to anyone who can attribute the title of this post.
Wild guess…is it from Boogie Nights? For some reason I think John C. Reilly said that.
Thanks for the great update. I’m thrilled for you. Counting the days until I’m on the table.
OMG! You look just like Amy Winehouse.
Porky Pig once asked do these shorts adequately hide my thunder…or something very close. BTW, you look great. Congrats on the weightloss.
I’m so impressed with your positive outlook and perseverance. I think the fact that you are losing weight slowly will be very good for you in the long run. Thanks for the update and for the inspiration.
I wish I knew where the title came from. You are looking good. Amy is an improvement over Britney!
I’ve got the surgery on my mind and our insurance pays for it. I’m a big chicken, though.
Keep up the good work, you look wonderful.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Keep it up.
I’m going to have to say the title came from Arrested Development.
I loved that show!
Kelly was right…it was Tobias Funke on Arrested Development, referring to his Speedo and shorts: “Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?”
Tobias Fünke suffers from a fear similar to gymnophobia and is described as a “never nude.”
Gymnophobia is a fear or anxiety about being seen naked, and/or about seeing others naked, even in situations where it is socially acceptable. Gymnophobes may experience their fear of nudity before all people, or only certain people, and may regard their fear as irrational. This phobia often arises from a feeling of inadequacy that their bodies are physically inferior, particularly due to comparison with idealized images portrayed in the media. The fear may also stem from anxiety about sexuality in general, or from a persistent feeling of vulnerability associated with the thought that those who have seen the gymnophobe naked will continue to imagine the gymnophobe nude.
Gymnophobia is derived from the Greek gymnos (naked) and phobos (fear).
Not sure if an image will work here…we’ll try…
image URL (copy and paste)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8b/Arrested_Development_-_In_God_We_Trust2.jpg/150px-Arrested_Development_-_In_God_We_Trust2.jpg
Oh my god, Joyce. You have gone above and beyond! And yes, it was Tobias. untitledhusband and I have all the episodes on dvd. We’ve been watching them for the past two weeks. And props to Kelly for being first. I see now that I am not the only one watching way too much TV (and cataloging the useless data in my head).
I am so glad to have you back! You’re looking great - congratulations! [BTW, I cannot wait to hear about UTM and the poor dog…]
Are you the KatCrow that e-mailed me today WITHOUT TELLING ME YOUR BLOG URL - if so, can I claim my prize?!
If not, this is one of those great moments in life because I have just laughed out loud 3 times just reading the TITLES of the posts let alone the content!
I’ll be back to check more stuff out!
ROCK-ON!
very funny picture!…:)
When are you coming back?!?!?!
WE MISS YOU! Come back.
I want to commend you on the weightloss! How incredible that you took the plunge and went for it. I am currently in the process of preparing for Lap Band. There are many reasons for this as opposed to gastric bypass, one being insurance of course. Go figure. Anyway, I am absolutely beside myself that I found your site! You remind me so much of myself! I too am from the midwest, I too have gripes and complaints about my egg donor, the list goes on and on. I did have one thing I wanted to say or contact you about, and I wasn’t sure where to send it or how to reach you, and I was reading about this incredible journey you have embarked upon with your weight loss. That is the Duggars Family. I would really like to discuss that more. I watched the most recent Discovery Health show on them, and while I did so, I took notes. I also have a huge pet peeve with the Gosslins. You know, twins and sextuplets. The little twins are wicked witches, spoiled brats. And the parents are bitchy, whiney, and complain? Well, did any of us tell you to get knocked up with all those kids? Anyway, I know this post is about bariatric surgery. Since I am new to your site, I will stop there. But would really really like to get more info on you, your site, and your posts. One more thing about the surgery. When I talk to people about my choice to have Lap Band, I am finding some real negative feedback. It’s not always from the skinny mini’s either. Sometimes it is from people that are overweight enough to have it, and I find that, because I know them, either they are too scared to go under the knife, their insurance won’t pay for it, or a host of other reasons. I even have had several say to me “why in the world wouldn’t you just tell people you are dieting and exercising? Why would you be so open and honest about it? If it were me, I wouldn’t tell them I took the easy way out.” I feel alot like it sounds like you do. I want people to go forward and do it too. If I have success with my surgery, I want others to know that if they have the chance to do something about their weight, and that means they can live longer, healthier and happier, then go for it. I have nothing to hide. A year ago, I had a personal trainer at the Naval base we were stationed at, I followed each and every single thing she told me to do. I worked out, followed a strict regime she detailed out for me, I ate 6 small meals that she helped me plan, so on and so forth. I did this for 5 weeks. I lost 6 pounds. I know that slow and steady wins the race, however, it about drove me to drinking. Ok, not literally, but I think you know what i mean. I gave up soda pop 2 years ago, and lost 24 pounds. Yay me right? Well, I found sweet tea and lemonade. I gave up oreo cookies this past March, lost 12 pounds. Found them! Damnit to hell. Anyway, I will go and quit boring you to death. Again, I just thank God I found your site, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your posts. And I hope I can contribute, sound off, and keep in touch with you. Some of what you have posted I can relate to, and feel like we must be sisters somehow. I too am 36 years old. I hope to hear from you soon! Have an absolutely fantastic week!
MRM
I applaud your efforts, and I Love the photoshop head/
I’m doing weight watchers again. Hopefully for the last time.
I’m all for those that have had the surgery, but like with my religion (I’m Jewish), that’s MY story, and I’m not too keen on others telling me to be something else.
Personally, I think I need to doit the REAL slow way, becuse having BEEN a bulemic, having done Overeaters Anonymous, Optifast, Medifast, and everything in between, it always came back on.
I also feel that it’s my own damn shit that got me here (225 pounds - top weight was 280), and I have to work my ass off to get it smaller.
I don’t know why, but personally, I feel like surgery is the easy way out. That’s just me. I know it’s hard, and I don’t intend to start a flame war, I’m just sharing my feelings about it. I think if eating and lack of exersice is what got me fat, then therapy (to deal with WHY I overeat), and eating less and moving more is what will get me smaller.
it’s a choice. I can choose to continue to stuff my face, or I can choose to deal with my feelings.
I was randomly typing “Sushi after bariatric surgery” because I have a furious craving for Japanese deliciousness (I’ve really had no desire for food until today). Anyways I stumbled upon this blog and I read through it (to search for the reason it popped up under my sushi investgation) and I loved it.
Such sarcasm and bluntness! I loved it! AH!
It made my day! Thanks.
I’ve been out of surgery for a month. I’m in Brasil…recovering…
The surgery was much cheaper here and the people that cut me open all spoke English. Not that it mattered since I was heavily sedated…
But I really liked you writing.
Tchauuu
-Szti A.