Comments on: Open wounds. http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/ One girl's struggle to escape her fat pants. Thu, 28 Aug 2008 23:21:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Dmitry http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-48969 Dmitry Tue, 26 Jun 2007 15:12:26 +0000 http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-48969 Can I just say that you write so damn well! Write a book; it would be a hit. Can I just say that you write so damn well!
Write a book; it would be a hit.

]]> By: kim http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-48879 kim Tue, 26 Jun 2007 11:13:23 +0000 http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-48879 I feel the same way about my mom when mothers day is here. She never 'left' us but I was so emotionally (and physically) abused by her that I don't feel it at all. It feels like such a farce to be getting her a card for 'mother's' day! I feel the same way about my mom when mothers day is here. She never ‘left’ us but I was so emotionally (and physically) abused by her that I don’t feel it at all. It feels like such a farce to be getting her a card for ‘mother’s’ day!

]]> By: St http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-45876 St Mon, 18 Jun 2007 23:25:17 +0000 http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-45876 http://www.oplusd.com/greetingcards/fck.html Had to share this link...in case any of you really wants that "fuck you" card! (I love these) http://www.oplusd.com/greetingcards/fck.html
Had to share this link…in case any of you really wants that “fuck you” card! (I love these)

]]> By: ibeejd http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-44784 ibeejd Sat, 16 Jun 2007 14:39:06 +0000 http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-44784 Thank you for this post. It made me cry. Not only for your husband but because it mirrors my relationship with my Father. All those time that I thought I was the cause of him leaving. In a small childs mind thats a huge thought. His leaving didnt only hurt me as a child. Being a female I have spent most of my adult years picking men who I felt the need to prove I could be good....that I was worthy of being loved. Destruction all around me and all I wanted was for a man to love me and not leave me. If only I was good enough or treated them better. Now that I am 40 and have realized that it was my Father who had the issues...and all the men I picked were a reflection of him Im doing much better. Id pick the "fuck you" card in a heartbeat!!!! Thank you for this post. It made me cry. Not only for your husband but because it mirrors my relationship with my Father. All those time that I thought I was the cause of him leaving. In a small childs mind thats a huge thought. His leaving didnt only hurt me as a child. Being a female I have spent most of my adult years picking men who I felt the need to prove I could be good….that I was worthy of being loved. Destruction all around me and all I wanted was for a man to love me and not leave me. If only I was good enough or treated them better.

Now that I am 40 and have realized that it was my Father who had the issues…and all the men I picked were a reflection of him Im doing much better.

Id pick the “fuck you” card in a heartbeat!!!!

]]> By: notaclue http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-44336 notaclue Fri, 15 Jun 2007 19:03:48 +0000 http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-44336 I have an overwhelming feeling of wanting to put my arms around him and help him feel better. Nothing ever makes it feel better tho. The damage and hurt remains inside of us always. The only thing we can do is make sure our own children are not raised as damaged beings. We need to give our kids all the love (but not all the stuff) in the world and let them know how much they are loved and wanted. It's the only thing I've ever done that makes me feel better--that and I look for kids with that hurt look in their eyes (I teach Sunday School, Vacation Bible School and try to talk to the different kids at the parks and schools when I am with my own children). You can see the ones who need a friend and you know you can make a difference in their lives by just listening and caring. We can never "earn" the love we so desperately needed and never received from our parents. Never gonna happen. My mom died in Dec. She never did know what an incredible person I turned out to be despite her. All my best to Untitled Husband. Please be well and know that you are more a man than your own father could ever be. Much love and understanding to you. I have an overwhelming feeling of wanting to put my arms around him and help him feel better. Nothing ever makes it feel better tho. The damage and hurt remains inside of us always. The only thing we can do is make sure our own children are not raised as damaged beings. We need to give our kids all the love (but not all the stuff) in the world and let them know how much they are loved and wanted. It’s the only thing I’ve ever done that makes me feel better–that and I look for kids with that hurt look in their eyes (I teach Sunday School, Vacation Bible School and try to talk to the different kids at the parks and schools when I am with my own children). You can see the ones who need a friend and you know you can make a difference in their lives by just listening and caring.
We can never “earn” the love we so desperately needed and never received from our parents. Never gonna happen. My mom died in Dec. She never did know what an incredible person I turned out to be despite her.
All my best to Untitled Husband. Please be well and know that you are more a man than your own father could ever be. Much love and understanding to you.

]]> By: Tim http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-43920 Tim Thu, 14 Jun 2007 18:50:24 +0000 http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-43920 I think I'd have a card for him. It would just say: Fuck You. I think I’d have a card for him. It would just say:

Fuck You.

]]> By: Anne Arky http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-43847 Anne Arky Thu, 14 Jun 2007 13:37:58 +0000 http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-43847 The biggest favor anyone could do would be to help untitled husband see that the inadequacies are not in him, but in his father, in every way, shape and form. I've seen too many children blame themselves for a parent's inability or unwillingness to do the right thing by them, including my cousins, whose mother had five children, got divorced and married a man who hated kids, so she dumped the oldest three kids on relatives, took the two younger kids with her and the new husband and moved seven states away. All five of those kids wound up drastically screwed up by their mother's actions, and the oldest ones begged their mother to take them with her, promising that they would be good and they loved her, and she just sashayed off and left them, leaving them to wonder what was wrong with them because Mommy didn't love them enough to take them with her. All five ended up as substance abusers. My brother did pretty much the same thing to his daughter, but fortunately, her mother and I (among others) helped her to see that the shortcomings were his and not hers. How could it be her fault that her sperm donor (who gave not a cent to her support from the time she was two years old) was (is) an irresponsible, immature, egocentric jerk who thinks the world revolves around him and owes him? Now, she is 33 years old with a husband and a baby, and he wants to be a part of her life and tries to lay a guilt trip on her for not being a better daughter. I'm happy to report that she just throws it back at him in spades. If untitled husband desires to continue the strained relationship with his father, that, of course, would be his choice, but do whatever you have to do to make him see that he is not at fault. Buy him some sports books and automotive basics books and whatever other instructionals he feels he missed out on and show him that being a better father to untitled son than his father was to him will go a long way toward healing some of those wounds. The biggest favor anyone could do would be to help untitled husband see that the inadequacies are not in him, but in his father, in every way, shape and form. I’ve seen too many children blame themselves for a parent’s inability or unwillingness to do the right thing by them, including my cousins, whose mother had five children, got divorced and married a man who hated kids, so she dumped the oldest three kids on relatives, took the two younger kids with her and the new husband and moved seven states away. All five of those kids wound up drastically screwed up by their mother’s actions, and the oldest ones begged their mother to take them with her, promising that they would be good and they loved her, and she just sashayed off and left them, leaving them to wonder what was wrong with them because Mommy didn’t love them enough to take them with her. All five ended up as substance abusers. My brother did pretty much the same thing to his daughter, but fortunately, her mother and I (among others) helped her to see that the shortcomings were his and not hers. How could it be her fault that her sperm donor (who gave not a cent to her support from the time she was two years old) was (is) an irresponsible, immature, egocentric jerk who thinks the world revolves around him and owes him? Now, she is 33 years old with a husband and a baby, and he wants to be a part of her life and tries to lay a guilt trip on her for not being a better daughter. I’m happy to report that she just throws it back at him in spades.
If untitled husband desires to continue the strained relationship with his father, that, of course, would be his choice, but do whatever you have to do to make him see that he is not at fault. Buy him some sports books and automotive basics books and whatever other instructionals he feels he missed out on and show him that being a better father to untitled son than his father was to him will go a long way toward healing some of those wounds.

]]> By: Brandy http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-43832 Brandy Thu, 14 Jun 2007 13:10:01 +0000 http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-43832 Those phone converstaions sound familiar. My husband's father wasn't a deadbeat, but to his oldest son he was an asshole, plain and simple. It's taken years for the two of them to have a workable, decent relationship and they stay in regular contact. I can only imagine the difficulty for two people who barely talk. I will dispute you this, though: ..."around strong older men like his father"... No matter how much he knows about football, no matter how much he knows about cars or weightlifting, a man who abandons his family in any way is NOT strong. He's pathetic and incredibly weak and he forced a child to become strong in ways that he'll never be. I hope your husband realizes that. On a lighter note, I hope your husband enjoys his son on Father's Day! Those phone converstaions sound familiar. My husband’s father wasn’t a deadbeat, but to his oldest son he was an asshole, plain and simple. It’s taken years for the two of them to have a workable, decent relationship and they stay in regular contact. I can only imagine the difficulty for two people who barely talk.

I will dispute you this, though:

…”around strong older men like his father”…

No matter how much he knows about football, no matter how much he knows about cars or weightlifting, a man who abandons his family in any way is NOT strong. He’s pathetic and incredibly weak and he forced a child to become strong in ways that he’ll never be. I hope your husband realizes that.

On a lighter note, I hope your husband enjoys his son on Father’s Day!

]]> By: pelf http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-43768 pelf Thu, 14 Jun 2007 07:28:16 +0000 http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-43768 My father left us when I was 9 years old - yes, to be with his then-girlfriend. Mum wanted a divorced, but he refused. Mum took my younger sister and I to another state, and we started anew. It's been more than 15 years since we've not stayed together though we're all on talking terms. He stays in a foreign country and comes back once in a while. I guess the only good thing about him is that he loves his daughters. And I guess I am who I am today because of him. Perhaps I should thank him, really really thank him, for turning me from a princess to someone independent and strong-willed. My father left us when I was 9 years old - yes, to be with his then-girlfriend. Mum wanted a divorced, but he refused. Mum took my younger sister and I to another state, and we started anew. It’s been more than 15 years since we’ve not stayed together though we’re all on talking terms. He stays in a foreign country and comes back once in a while.

I guess the only good thing about him is that he loves his daughters.

And I guess I am who I am today because of him. Perhaps I should thank him, really really thank him, for turning me from a princess to someone independent and strong-willed.

]]> By: Dee http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-43728 Dee Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:29:11 +0000 http://www.untitledlife.com/2007/06/13/open-wounds/#comment-43728 Oh dear, reading this just made me so sad....but also glad that he has you and you know the truth. Oh dear, reading this just made me so sad….but also glad that he has you and you know the truth.

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