I have seen much in my 36 years. I have seen Ratt live in concert. I have watched my Dad piss on his neighbor’s car door handle (another post altogether). And most recently, while at untitledmother’s house for Christmas, I watched on as untitledsister-in-law gave her one year-old son (my nephew) a drink of Mountain Dew straight from the can. What, no Jaegermeister? I hear it’s good for teething.
This wouldn’t be such a huge friggin’ deal if this child had not been born 13 weeks premature, or if this was the first time June Cleaver had lifted a can of tin can tooth-rot to the lips of a child. If there is a parenting mistake to be made, untitledsister-in-law has made it. Setting her children in front of the TV for hours on end – check. Taking a one-month old baby camping in the Midwest in February – check. Smoking while pregnant – check.
Now ask me — how could I possibly dedicate one hour of my week (an early morning hour, no less) to a god who would allow such fuckupedness? I am a prudent consumer. I don’t frequent Taco Bell cause their refried beans give me the shits. And I most certainly don’t spend an hour each week worshipping an invisible being who rewards incapable parents with more children.
Perhaps you think me bitter. Perhaps you’d be right. But it’s hard to be a ray of sunshine in the face of such shitty circumstances. And no, I don’t want to see your ultrasound pictures, dear cousin (untitledhusband’s cousin, actually). I really don’t want to think about how you and your husband were handcuffed and hauled away in front of your two children for manufacturing meth in your home. And I don’t want to hear about how after three years in prison, you reunited and got pregnant with your third child within one month. Being that we tried for two years to have a second child and could not, this is somewhat difficult for me. I’m sure god has a plan, and that there is a little lesson nestled in this shitnest somewhere. Perhaps I’ll find it on Sunday morning while I’m at home in my sweatpants, reading the Satanic Verses.