Reunited and it feels so good.

I’ve talked a bit in the past about untitledhusband’s youngest brother. He’s the one who we think is a serial killer. OK, so maybe he hasn’t technically killed a human yet. But let’s not let that little detail stand in the way of what I believe is his true calling.

Anyways,¬ the 22 year-old deadbeat¬ (I will refer to him as “the deadbeat” for the remainder of this post, for it provides me a modicum of comfort in this otherwise joyless scenario) moved back home recently because he got evicted from his own place. I never knew¬ it worked this way, but it seems the more you ignore your bills and shun¬ full-time employment, the more the road rises to meet you. Mom and dad swoop in, buy your¬ meals, slip you twenties for gas (which you then spend on lap dances and Swiss Cake Rolls)¬ and ask your older brother¬ why¬ he hasn’t¬ given you better direction in life. Sigh.

The move-out was quite interesting for the¬ shock value, if nothing else. He and his two roommates screwed their landlord out of rent. How many months’ rent, we do not know. On top of this, they¬ chose to leave¬ the home in a state of squalor –¬ and I don’t mean dust bunnies and¬ smudged windows. There was animal¬ feces and hair everywhere, moldy dishes each with their own¬ orbit of flies,¬ and an orange fuzzy bathtub. I didn’t actually see this, mind you. untitledhusband wouldn’t even let me go inside, which is saying something. This is¬ a guy who makes me sleep on the side of the bed that’s closest to the bedroom door, so that I may serve as a speedbump in case an intruder pops in for a look-see. Perhaps we should’ve dropped a little envelope of meth and a bottle of Spic and Span at their doorstep a few months ago. That place would’ve been cleaner than Star Jones’ post-op GI tract.¬

In between armfuls of boxes and garbage bags filled with¬ soiled laundry, untitledmother-in-law stopped by our car to say, “I’m so happy we’re getting him out of here.” What do you mean, getting HIM out of HERE? This IS him. HE did this. In that instant, I¬ saw what was to¬ be the neverending denial of responsibility. After loading up his belongings, which included an electric guitar, a mountain bike¬ and a few other things that reeked of misappropriation, mom and dad chauffeured him¬ home — they in their old rusty¬ pick-up truck and he in his two-year old vehicle. I’m not saying he didn’t work to earn it. He went to great lengths to trash it, seeing as his parents were making the payments.¬

Reliable sources tell us that they spent the weekend as a family. If he is capable of anything, it is of knowing just how much grease the wheel needs to¬ turn in his direction.¬ They made a special trip to the fair, so¬ fat ass could get himself a funnel cake. He¬ suggested they grill out, and hey, why not make it steaks. They even went to the movies together. Awwwww. I’m guessing Sunday was a bit slower, since mom needed time to wash his grundies and unpack his belongings. It was cause for celebration, the prodigal son returning home, demanding¬ Black Angus, laundry service and a little bubbly to mark the occasion.

So here I sit, with all this rage and anger, knowing damn well there is nothing I can¬ do about this situation. untitledhusband has talked to his mom, and she just says, “We HAVE cut him off. We aren’t doing anything for him that we didn’t do fo you.”¬ (which is flaming shit-sack full of lies). It’s a futile conversation, a waste of breath, because untitledmother-in-law is in denial about this situation. She is convinced that if they just help him out this one last time, he will be instantly reincarnated into Suze Orman.

I’m sure someone out there has a similar experience and some wisdom to share. What will it take to¬ open up¬ untitledmother-in-law’s eyes? Is there anything that we can do or say? Justice is in order.¬ I just wish I knew how to bring it about.¬ ¬ ¬

¬

12 thoughts on “Reunited and it feels so good.”

  1. Have a 32 year old brother who is the same way. Mom and Dad used to enable him all of the time, basically supporting him in Toronto while he worked crap jobs and spent his money on drugs. They were in denial about it. Paid for a divorce for him, rent a bunch of times, fare to come home, etc. Turning point? He got evicted from his apartment, and all of his stuff reposessed. Included in that, some sentimental things given to him when my grandmother died, and some other material things, like family photos etc. My brothers answer “It is just STUFF!I made my peace with Grandma” Easy to do when she has passed. That was the turning point. They were so disgusted, hurt, and infuriated by his lack of regard for the effort other people have made for him, and his non-chalant attitude, that they cut him off then and there, and haven\’t helped him since. I am not even sure that my father has said more than a hello on his birthday since. Unfortunately it usually takes a severe event, but most often their true colours come out.

  2. I have this brother, also, and the only way that Mother and Dad got out of supporting him was that he found a woman who was so desparate to get away from her husband that she voluntarily took him (my brother) on and happily supports him. I told my brother once that the only reason she and her daughters think he is so wonderful is because her first husband was such a shit that he makes my brother look good. If she ever figures out that she really CAN live without a man, he will be toasted history. He is 53 years old, and Mother is so proud of him and all that he does. He is SUCH a man — he pays his own cable bill every month! Aren’t you wowed and impressed? (I for one am not.) What is so funny (not) is his dictatorial manner in which he demands things be done this way and that way in HIS house — the house his wife is paying for. Also, the car he demanded they buy him so he could drive around the one-traffic-light town he lived in was later SOLD to his step-daughter. Did he send Mother and Daddy that money? Guess!
    About ten years after Mother and Daddy stopped supporting him (he was in his 40s at the time), they needed all us kids to cosign a loan against a house that Daddy owned but that we kids would inherit (so we HAD to sign for them), and my brother demanded a full accounting of why she needed it. I think Mother’s eyes are open now.

  3. We all have that brother…is it one guy roaming around to all our families or are there an army of them out there–God help us! I think you need to show mommy all the facts about junior in a letter but changing his name to Jim Bob, that of a fictional character. once she sees what a waste of space Jim Bob is, tell her to insert junior’s name. May wake her up. Bet Mom doesnt want to see it because it would make her feel like she did “something wrong” and somehow it is her fault…that old guilt trip thing. In the case of my brother, I knew it was over for him when my kids stated noticing uncle bob didnt do things the way we did…hmmm.

  4. We all have that brother‚Ķis it one guy roaming around to all our families or are there an army of them out there‚ÄďGod help us! I think you need to show mommy all the facts about junior in a letter but changing his name to Jim Bob, that of a fictional character. once she sees what a waste of space Jim Bob is, tell her to insert junior‚Äôs name. May wake her up. Bet Mom doesnt want to see it because it would make her feel like she did ‚Äúsomething wrong‚ÄĚ and somehow it is her fault‚Ķthat old guilt trip thing. In the case of my brother, I knew it was over for him when my kids stated noticing uncle bob didnt do things the way we did‚Ķhmmm.

  5. There is nothing anyone can do in this situation; except the parents. And sadly, the parents are blinded by their love for the child. OR they are afraid he’ll blow off their faces with a shotgun while they are watching TV.

  6. Gosh, I’ve heard this story so. many. times. (not from you-but many others).

    In fact, my Mother had a younger brother is was very similar. He used to leave the parents notes stuck in the wall by a knife. The notes would say stuff like, “I just might kill you when I get back.”

    The parents never changed one bit. That Crazy Unc of mine ended up getting sober and somehow got his shit together. Unfortunately, a lot of these people end up dead.

  7. It sucks to deal with a family member like this (and yes, I think we all have at least one. I may have 2.)

    As long as his parents are under the spell you can’t say anything. Trying to open their eyes will do nothing but turn you into “the one who is against their poor baby, who has enough bad luck as it is.”

    Just steer clear and wait. It will happen. Oh, and watch him like a hawk around your son.

  8. All I can say is that this scenario is very familiar (ahem)–and your colorful description is awesome.

    You can’t do a damn thing about it except ask lots of questions to his parents face. Keep them on their toes, constantly being confronted with the realities of their situation.

    Ask the questions innocently, with no visible resentment and anger and don’t argue with their answers, though you might say something like “That’s interesting but it sure doesn’t make sense.”

    These are the types of questions I mean:
    Why is this apartment so filthy? Is there a reason he didn’t clean it MIL? Will the landlord charge him damages? He should, you know? Gosh, I hope he doesn’t leave your place in this condition. You all have worked hard for your home.

    Has Deadbeat applied for any jobs lately? Are you sure?

    So nice that Deadbeat is home with you now–I’m sure he’s a big help. Is he vacuuming for you Untitled MIL? Is he mowing the grass? Is he helping Untitled FIL replace the deck on the house? You guys deserve a break, you work so hard.

    Does Deadbeat loan you his car? We worry about you in that old pickup. You deserve better….

  9. Lisa, you’re right — some families have two of them. We do — the afore-mentioned brother and Cousin Sluggy (no relation to Uncle Sleazy on the other side of the family). Cuzzin Sluggy has been leaching off his widowed mother since 1986 (his step-father had been able to prevent it before his death, but once he died, it became open season on Mama). This, AFTER Mama had bailed him out of prison and five marriages. Sadly, none of his five ex-wives was a decent shot, so now, at age 66, he is still leaching off Mama and he gets drunk every night to keep his cholesterol down. (No, I am not kidding — I swear that’s his excuse!)

    Anne

  10. Hmmm, that’s an interesting link he’s made there. Wonder if that works for other health issues as well? Could I get drunk every night to control that pesky thyroid imbalance? Get drunk every night to help with painful arthritis? How about get drunk every night to lose 50 pounds?

    Egads, some people.

  11. I also have this brother, but with him, there was a happy ending to the story, unlike a lot of the other slacker-bro stories. My brother was traditionally always the one in trouble, broke, jobless, even went so far as to snatch a purse once when he was broke and ended up in prison. Mom and sis wrote him all 6 years he was in the joint, visited him, sent him $$$. When he got out, you guessed it, mom and sis paid for everything to get him on his feet, then the dumbass goes and gets a DUI. Sis (me) by then is done with it, so mom bails him out and pays his legal fees, etc. Then he gets married to a wonderful woman and turns his life around — gets a steady, well-paying job and advances in the company, is a great father to his two step-kids who think of him more as “Dad” than their real dad. He really did a 180. I can’t say what finally made him step up aside from meeting a really awesome woman who was worth becoming a man for.

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