Comments on: A sure sign of the apocolypse. Or maybe that it’s time to move.

By: Kelsey

Kelsey — Sun, 11 Jun 2006 20:26:44 +0000

My street is the part of the rich people neighborhood where the lower-middle class houses are. They are all the same, with alternating colours, of course, but we, too, have interesting neighbors. Up the street, there is a house full of loud college boys up the street and on the weekends, when they get REALLY drunk, they play truth or dare and run up and down the street chasing cars alternating the articles of clothing they remove. Up the street and in the culdesac is the couple who dress up like Liza Minelli and David whats-his-name after they get frat-boy drunk at Halloween. Our neighbors on the left, Mr and Mrs Next Door, who hang out in their garage and wait for me and my sister to drop something, a basketball or something, into their driveway and then yell at us to get off their lawn. Mrs Up the Street used to have a miniatur schnauzer who would run back and forth in her tiny yard for hours. At my dad’s house, his nieghbors across the street had that green stuff on their yard that grows grass (probably grass seed) and I fell off my bike into it and left a Kelsey-shaped grass-less area next to their mailbox. My dad tried to fix it with a rake before they got home but it didn’t really work. Plus, I spent two weeks trying to wash grass seed out of my knee. Ahh, neighborly love :]

By: rose

rose — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 20:25:55 +0000

I know this is totally inappropriate, but I giggled when I thought of notaclue “brushing her bunny” outside. I’m sorry; I’m a 12-year old boy sometimes.

In addition, we are the trashy neighbors…go us!

Carry on.

By: notaclue

notaclue — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 16:13:46 +0000

My husband FREAKS when I brush my bunny rabbit outside (who the fuck wants rabbit fluff in the house?!?) and let the fur blow away…., he actually raked it up the other day! I, too, think it’s fine for the birds to use it in their nests and I have a gigantic yard so I don’t know why the sight of it offends him so much. I was surprised he was mellow the other night when I used the dog groomer to clip my dog’s fur outside (too hot for fur coats right now and she’s got a LOT of fur!) ‘Course he was drunk and I think he wanted me to think he wasn’t so much….,

Human pee really works? I’m having big problems with chipmunks right now. Thought about some used kitty litter but don’t want to smell it myself! Have used Fox Urine but it’s expensive and I have to send away for it…., Can you imagine collecting THAT?!?!

By: witchy

witchy — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 15:08:40 +0000

Surveilling your prospective neighbourhood (I can spell, I am Canadian!) seems like a smart idea.
And, if you want to deter critters without those pesky hair clippings, may I heartily recommend a sprinkling of human Pee around the perimeter? Male Pee is best, as their appendage conveniently adapts to those 2 litre bottles. (No need for a funnel when you have the appendage
Supply untiltled males with plenty beer and they will be happy to oblige, especially if you make a contest of it.
Remember to reapply after a rain.
That is the best critter deterrent of all.

By: Deemack5

Deemack5 — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 02:17:15 +0000

Siiting in my hotel in Philly, laughing my ass off. This is why I read this blog. Lets see mnore of this excellent writting in the future. The continuing saga of this neighbor would be well worth the wait.

By: Jeanne

Jeanne — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 18:40:52 +0000

untitled, I wonder what your new neighbors will be like? Have you scouted the ‘hood? Will you have some space between you and the neighbors?
My next house will be in the country. I don’t want to see one little square of a neighbor’s house. We currently have the couple from hell next door - fights most weekends (they give beer drinking a bad name!) and the annual Halloween night, “I’ma keeel you!” knife threat.
Good times…good times.

By: Suebob

Suebob — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 17:18:33 +0000

OMG I did this YESTERDAY. Honest. Not a full trim, but I took some scissors and lopped off a chunk of annoying hair while I was standing on my front porch. I just could not stand this surly wild curl one more minute. And then I left the hair out for the birdies, who are nesting right now.

I didn’t think about it being low-class. Of course low class people never do LOL. And I live in an extremely low class neighborhood anyway (think couches on the front porch) so I suppose I was just adapting to my surroundings.

Hell, maybe this weekend I will set up a chair in the driveway and offer trims for $5 to passers-by.

Wow, Mel, that is one psycho neighbor. Gathering dog fur. Gotta love people.

By: Mel

Mel — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 16:18:08 +0000

I brush my American Eskimo Dog outside on the deck, and I leave his fluffy white fur out there so the birds and squirrels to use in their nests. One time I did this and my crazy neighbor gathered it up, put it in a bag, and tied it to my deck with twine. Now I leave the fur out there because I know it annoys her.

My neighbor also rides around her yard on her zero-turning-radius mower, clad in hair curlers and a shiny orange polyester muu muu. She also has a pair of purple polyester pants (and a coordinating polyester floral print top) that she dons when she has to do any bending or stooping. No better way to start the day than spying your neighbor’s big purple butt through the chain link.

By: Anne Arky

Anne Arky — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 15:57:23 +0000

You know, I really must stop reading this blog at work — it’s awfully hard to explain why I’m laughing out loud nearly to the LMAO stage when I’m supposed to be reading and interpreting spread sheets. Now my coworkers want to know why their interpretations of said spread sheets don’t cause nearly the hysteria.

ibeejd, I was lucky enough to get a neighborhood scouting report/preview of exactly what kind of cromagnon inbreds I would be living next to, should I have decided to buy a house that I was by then giving a third look. I was told, “Me and Sister has been in this house for nigh onto 50 years, and we’s both on disability. This is a real nice neighborhood, except for the (whispers with hand over mouth) buh-LACKS that live acrost the street. They’s drug dealers. But you’ll fit in jiss fine here. The lady on the other side of yore house is on disability, too. We’ll all visit back and forth and have a big time. We’ll all be the best of friends. We just have to watch out for them drug dealers, ya know, the buhLACKS. Your septic tank leaks into my yard, you hear? I don’t want no trouble.” I told her that not all blacks are drug dealers and not all drug dealers are black. My friends were holding me back and I was muttering under my breath to them, “Get me out of here NOW.” I told the listing agent that if she ever hoped to sell that house, she’d better show it late at night when the neighbors wouldn’t be around! Although I knew I wasn’t going to buy that house, or even live in it if it were a gift, I fantasized having a house-warming party and inviting every non-WASP person I knew, and the more tattooes and piercings and dreadlocks they had, the better. Of course, I would have been forced to introduce one of said guests as my husband!

Anne

By: anne nahm

anne nahm — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 14:59:34 +0000

In the apartment the husband and I shared prior to kids, we used to listen to the following operatic stylings of Neighbor & Dog (all night long):

Dog: Arrroooooooooo
Neighbor: “Shut that –!”
Dog: Aroooooooooooooooooooo!
Neighbor: “Shut that –!”
Dog: Aroooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Neighbor: “Shut that fuckin’ dog UP!”
Dog: Woof-woof-woof-woof-woof!

Good times were had by all.