Six weird things about me.

Sue over at Red Stapler has tagged me to unveil six weird things about myself… to which I say “Why stop at six!” For the sake of brevity, I have narrowed it down for y’all.

1. I’ve customized the lyrics of the Oscar Mayer weiner song for untitledson, and I sing it to him on a daily basis. (Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy baby has a first name — it’s XXXXX. Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy baby has a second name — it’s XXXXX). He is soooo going to hate me when I bust this one out when I’m driving him and his friends to soccer practice in a few years.

2. I am a tad bit obsessive about clean floors. I do not let anyone wear shoes in my house, and I obsess about carpet stains and my ugly-ass white vinyl kitchen floor. I recently spent five hours on a Saturday night stripping and re-sealing my kitchen floor. The manual labor had me sweating like a whore in church. I hear there is this new device called the Spot Bot. You plug it in and set it on top of a stain and it goes to work, cleaning until the mess is gone. We might as well be talking about a six foot sonic vibrator, as hard as this makes me.

3. I take great joy in tweezing. I do think this one is heriditary, as untitledmother has tweezed herself out of a perfectly normal pair of eyebrows. She claims that once you tweeze down your brows, they simply cannot grow back. That’s a crock of shit — we all know that the seedlings sprout up, but she is powerless to stop the self-deforestation. All I can say is thank god for my Maybelline brow pencil. I’d totally look like a chemo patient without it.

4. and 5. I take great joy in popping zits. In college, I had a silver dollar-sized zit on my leg. I swear to god, a tablespoon of ooze came out of that bitch. I still think about it from time to time, the pleasure I gleamed from popping that beast. How sick is that? It was 13 years ago! This one right here is so fucked up, I think it qualifies as two, people.

6. I’m starting to listen to the oldies radio station. When exactly did THIS happen? Oh, about the time that The Cure, The Go-Go’s and The Human League qualified as oldies. Don’t get me wrong — I listen to new stuff (untitledhusband has impeccable taste in music, and he keeps me current). But sometimes, a little Squeeze sounds good when driving home from work on Tuesday night.

10 thoughts on “Six weird things about me.”

  1. I’m so with you on the popping zits. I take great care in doing it just right. And i like to be alone. And I like to do other people’s as well. I’m strange.

  2. Guess I was weird a long time before you (why wait until the last minute?) — I’ve been listening to oldies stations since the early 1980s, when I first discovered them. But then, I’m probably a lot older than you. Rock on!

  3. Trust me, it works. Embarrassing them in front of friends, priceless. I sing to the Boys, “I know a boy named Boyyyyyy 1!! I love Boy 1! etc., etc.

    They aren’t as thrilled with it now as they were when they were little….

  4. Another pimple popper here. I get too much joy from my Dh’s blackheads. I still think about the big zit I had on my side that I wasn’t aware was there. It grew and festered. I went to scratch and ther was a hard lump. The mass I extracted was beautiful. Although I have never taken a picture of the pimple junk, I leave that to my sister.

    And I sing the “dingle your beans” song to my son, but he’s only two and will gladly sing along. Whenever he takes his diaper off, he dingles those things like the Masturbating bear on Conan O Brien.

  5. I am baffled and saddened that I too, listen to ‘oldies’. Now where the eff am I going to tune the radio when I want to listen to the sweet old junk my dad made me listen to? Uber-oldies?

  6. Oh, you zit poppers scare me a little.

    Regarding the tweezing: I used to have big Brooke Shields-esque eyebrows and in my 20s they drove my hair stylist crazy because I would NOT tweeze them. OK so I looked more Oscar the Grouch than Brooke Shieldsish, but hey, I was in denial.

    Then in my 30s, I had my hair cut really short and thought, damn, need to tweeze those eyebrows! And I did, and it did look much better. The down side is I got a little carried away, and I’m here to tell you that after becoming a religious tweezer for a period of about a year, my brows never grew back to their former fullness. Those hairs were gone for good. And I’m afraid, very afraid, because I’m in my 40s now and I know women in their 50s start to lose their eyebrows and it FREAKS ME OUT people! I do not want to be one of those women with five stray hairs over each eyeball!

  7. V Grrl is either going to need an eyebrown transplant or she’ll be drawing those puppies in!! ROFL

    Maybe someone can donate some eyebrows to Locks and Love and hook you up. 😉

  8. Tweezing, no, waxing, yes!
    Zits-I had what turned out to be a cyst right on the top of my head, and thinking it was a blind pimple, why I just worried that thing for weeks, until after a pint of vodka, I gave it hell.
    The contents, I am strangely proud to say, actually hit the ceiling.
    Wait. I have way weirder stuff.
    I have broken two toilets in my lifetime, neither of which was broken while I was a fat fuck. In fact, both times, I was a skinny, drunken fuck. Who can say they have accidentally broken two toilets?
    I win.
    There is more.
    My family is the most flatulent on the face of the earth, I swear.
    I attribute it to eating quickly as possible to escape the evil eye of the tyrant father. After I left home, I never really slowed down the gulping of food.
    My elder son calls me Methane Mom.
    Pull my finger?

  9. Thanks for playing. Now I don’t feel like the last one picked for kickball!

    Thank you for the link love, too.

    I think Witchy is in pretty good competition for some of the funniest weird stuff I have read about. 2 toilets! Wow.

    You can tag people for this, too, but I think 97 percent of the internet has already been tagged so it may be too late.

  10. PS about 4 and 5 – it was high school for me. Big infected-looking thing on my chin (visible in graduation photos, of course). Squeezed the life out of it. My best all-time zit. Still makes me shiver thinking about it.

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