Slut bags.

I don’t often poke my head out of my gopher hole and take notice of what is going on with fashion and such. After all, my main goal is to have every shirt in my closet matching every pair of pants. Ideally, nothing needs ironing and the shirt and sweater patterns are limited to those designed to mask salad dressing dribbles and snags from spiral notebooks.

But every now and then, a trend will force me to put my foot down and my hand up to say, “What the fuck, people?” I mean, where exactly was I when these things came back into style?

Xhilaration Satchel with Feather Accents

I saw an attractive, country-clubbish woman schlepping around one of these whore bags this weekend. When she opened it at the cash register, I fully expected her to pull out last night’s panties or a wad of ones. Out in the parking lot, she shocked me once again by passing the Grand Am and going straight towards her BMW. And to think she probably retired a smart-looking Kate Spade or Burberry for this.

Seeing these things slung over the shoulders of every other woman in Target begs the question — who in the name of Big Red gum, white pumps and pink tiger print pants resurrected these monstrosities from Charlene Tilton’s closet and reintroduced them into the mainstream? I’m guessing it’s the same person who told Nicole Ritchie that wearing windshields as sunglasses would make her ass look smaller.

14 thoughts on “Slut bags.”

  1. My mom and sisters have bought into the “Old ladies in Florida” handbag line. Big gold, silver and bronze bags, with huge buckles and hardware. The bag you posted I could throw in a ring and watch the three of them fight to the death for it.

    Don’t get me STARTED on the big ass sunglasses. Paired with the handbags and then the trendy track suits they look like they should be heading to the Sizzler for the Early Bird Special.

  2. The LA Times had some awesome photos a few weeks back about how low-life Rodeo Drive has gotten…one from the back of these 3 identical bleached-blonde ponytailed women in tracksuits with these exact handbags hanging off them…

    Google “chav”. I think it is what we are getting at here.
    http://www.chavscum.co.uk/

  3. Give me a Fossil, Stone Mountain, or Rolf’s leather handbag, and I’m a happy Grrrl. Kate Spade is too prissy and Burberry far out of my league.

    I hate big sunglasses–they make you like a freakin insect! Mary Kate and Ashley look like praying mantises with their big glasses and long emaciated limbs. I keep waiting for their heads to spin around. And if you want to make a European gag, show up in public in a track suit or sneakers. It’s the ultimate fashion faux pas.

  4. I was just shopping today and saw something so similiar. I wanted to puke. And then tell her, the 80’s and 90’s called and want their accessory’s back.

  5. I live in a poor neighborhood and all the 14-year-old girls are carrying these, though usually in pearly white, silver or gold. The multicolor is a new one on me.

    Also available at Target.

  6. Really? Holy crap, all along, that was the secret? I’m running out to buy the biggest pair of aviator sunglasses I can find!!

    Also, the handbag Jaemie posted, is pretty darn bad.

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