untitledlife

You know that persistent rumor that Bert and Ernie are gay? Two single guys, living together in the city, twin beds positioned just close enough for a midnight hand job.

You have Bert, who is so obviously the persnickety poof. And then there’s Ernie, that poor thing. Too dumb to hold a decent job, yet too good at BJ’s to boot out the door.

Well finally, we have visual proof of their gayness. This, from one of untitledson’s open-the-flap books titled “Elmo’s Big Lift-and-Look Book.” (And might I add, I do believe this is the closest Bert and Ernie have ever been to a flap of any kind.)

Notice how free Ernie looks after “coming out.” It’s as if he’s saying, “Finally! I’ve had some guy’s hand up my ass for 25 years. Don’t TELL me you think I’m out hunting down punanny on the weekends, bitches.” And Bert’s all like, “Don’t mind him. Always been a size queen, that one. He’s acting like a little schoolgirl because his puppeteer is wearing a watch and three rings tonight.”

I doubt if there’s any truth to the rumor. But let it be known that I, for one, would be glad if Bert and Ernie were gay. I want untitledson to know that families come in all varieties, and that there’s nothing wrong with having two moms or two dads. I can’t understand why people get so hung up over it. So as you were, Bert and Ernie. As you were.