Dirty Harry.

Prince Harry. Deborah Harry. Harry Houdini. Harry Caray. Of all the Harrys in the world, I get to work with one Harry Johnson. Hi, I’m Harry. It’s me, Harry. My friends call me Harry. Harry “King Kong Schlong Dong Show Me Your Thong I Use It to Play Ping Pong” Johnson.

What would possess a 50-something balding man named Harold to eschew his proper name for Harry — especially when his last name is what it is? Does he do it for those moments when co-workers like me walk past his cube, read his nameplate and shudder at the image that comes to mind? Or does he still get a kick out of those times when he calls Pizza Hut and gets to hear the dude say “Two medium stuffed crusts and an order of cheesey bread for a Harry Johnson.”

16 thoughts on “Dirty Harry.”

  1. Just use your best “Miss Jean Brody” voice when speaking to him and call him by his REAL NAME…Harold. By employing the magical powers of inflection and facial expression you can reduce him to a puddle of insecurity and shame. Verbally, invisably and precisely CUT HIM DOWN TO SIZE. He probably has a miniature “one”.

  2. I know his brothers Dick Fitzwell, Mike Hunt and Buck Nekkid. A shaving kit would be a perfect Christmas gift for him, he’d probably never even get it!

  3. It must be the same brain malfunction that makes men think the name Dick is a good idea. Out of the multitudes of variations for Robert, these idiots choose DICK?

  4. Hmmm V, (I couldn’t resist) I always thought the nick name for Robert was Bob and the nick name for Richard was Dick…hence the play on words “Richard Cranium” AKA…you know who.

  5. My personal faves are the infamous trio of Phil McCracken, Ben Dover & Philip McCann, along with their buddy Barry McCochaner.

    There is a urologist in town who is very appropriately named Dr. Bruce Cockburn. Ouch!

  6. I live near a car dealership named after the owner. His name: Dick Witham. Seriously. I laugh to myself everytime I hear it.

  7. My sis sent me an obit for Seymour Beavers.

    My old boss, Richard, preferred to be called “Dick.” It suited him particularly well, too, so we didn’t mind.

  8. Ann must live in Iowa! We live not that far from Dick Witham and in our town is a Duwee and a Howe dealership leading my son to suggest they consolidate to Duwee Dick Witham and Howe. He was just a little kid @ the time and unfortunately I was driving at the time…, I almost wrecked I was laughing so hard!!!
    Supposedly there is also a Harry Dick living in the town south of us. As far as I know, that’s true!

  9. My maiden name was Peters. My friends found it greatly amusing to come up with “witty” alternative middle names for me such as, in German, “Likesbig”, and in Japanese, “Chopsoff”.

    Sick bastards.

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