You know that persistent rumor that Bert and Ernie are gay? Two single guys, living together in the city, twin beds positioned just close enough for a midnight hand job.
You have Bert, who is so obviously the persnickety poof. And then there’s Ernie, that poor thing. Too dumb to hold a decent job, yet too good at BJ’s to boot out the door.
Well finally, we have visual proof of their gayness. This, from one of untitledson’s open-the-flap books titled “Elmo’s Big Lift-and-Look Book.” (And might I add, I do believe this is the closest Bert and Ernie have ever been to a flap of any kind.)
Notice how free Ernie looks after “coming out.” It’s as if he’s saying, “Finally! I’ve had some guy’s hand up my ass for 25 years. Don’t TELL me you think I’m out hunting down punanny on the weekends, bitches.” And Bert’s all like, “Don’t mind him. Always been a size queen, that one. He’s acting like a little schoolgirl because his puppeteer is wearing a watch and three rings tonight.”
I doubt if there’s any truth to the rumor. But let it be known that I, for one, would be glad if Bert and Ernie were gay. I want untitledson to know that families come in all varieties, and that there’s nothing wrong with having two moms or two dads. I can’t understand why people get so hung up over it. So as you were, Bert and Ernie. As you were.
HA! My son has this book! I’ll never look at it the same again!
I loved Sesame Street and so did my kids. To me, the sexuality of human beings is SO BESIDE THE FUCKING POINT. Straight? Wonderful! Gay? Good for you! Whatever.
So you can imagine how strange it is to watch extremists trot out Bert and Ernie as a closeted gay couple and therefore THE NUMBER ONE THREAT TO THE MORAL FIBER OF OUR NATION’S CHILDREN. Are you shitting me? They’re PUPPETS, people. Say it with me now: p-u-p-p-e-t-s.
But if they are gay puppets I would totally celebrate. B & E have been a committed couple for something like 35 years. Suck on that, Jerry Falwell!
All puppets must have some gay kinkiness in them. Hands up the bum? Come on, now.
I would be completely unsurprised if Sesame Street decided to out Bert and Ernie, and I wouldn’t make my kid stop watching it if they did. Quite frankly, the Street has always done a wonderful job of discussing “taboo” subjects, and I see no reason why they wouldn’t do just as well with a gay couple.
Completely off the topic, but am I the only one that noticed that Bert’s face on the open door doesn’t line up with the top of his head? Actually, now that I look at it again, it seems the the entire body depicted through the window of the open door doesn’t line up with the body. Oy.
Silverseraphim-
Did you notice how Bert’s eyebrows are angry looking? As if he’s thinking, “I cannot BELIEVE Ernie just outed himself.” Hahaha
it’s time that peppermint patti (”a pro on the baseball diamond”) comes out too. according to snoopy.com (the official peanuts website), marcie “called Peppermint Patty ‘Sir’ out of admiration and misguided manners.” COME ON. since when did admiration and misguided manners go hand-in-hand? outside of the bedroom, i mean.
Yeah…except that dislike copping to the notion that a girl who can “outplay the guys” on the athletic field is always a lesbian Straight girls got game, too.
What about Fallwell and his outrage over the purple Tellitubby? He claimed the triangle on the puppet’s head indicated homosexuality.
Someone ought to point out to him that his own head is shaped like a dick.