How exactly do you tell someone that they have bad breath? I’ve run into this problem with my boss lately. In her particular case, the aroma is not unlike that of a runaway hamster that has fallen into the ductwork and died. (If this has ever happened to you, you hear me knockin’.)
Her oral stench is so powerful, it has been to known to crawl over conference room tables and tie nose hairs in knots. Don’t TELL me you can’t smell that, woman! I’m guessing that her olfactory senses have shut down in a last-ditch attempt at self-preservation, rendering her nose powerless.
The bad breath issue came to a head recently when my office mates and I decided to go out to lunch. Boss woman was driving and talking, talking and driving when all of a sudden this wave of stink tangoed across the dashboard and grabbed me by the throat. I looked at her, and then around the minivan. Yes, there seemed to be a positive correlation between the level of smell and the openness of her orifice.
Still 10 minutes from our destination, we were all stuck in what amounted to a terrarium of stink rolling down the road. I imagine the minivan looked straight outta Compton, with swirling clouds of pollutant pounding on the windows like petulant children. But alas, this was as far from a Rocky Mountain high as you could get. Yes, my friends, this was a bona fide halitosis hurricane.
As the air got thinner, my survival instincts kicked in. I quickly surveyed my options. 1). Pull sweater up over nose for a makeshift gas mask. 2) Open window (obvious, yes, but she all but killed subtlety when she opened the flaps on the oral landfill). 3) Find a focus object to take my mind off the discomfort, just as women do during labor.
Just as I was about to take action, we arrived at the restaurant. I yanked on the door handle. Safety locked. I yanked again. Still locked! For the love of god, would I ever escape? Finally, she opened her door, and all other locks magically released, spilling me out into the parking lot like a heap of dirty laundry.
The meal that followed was perhaps the best I ever ate. As is customary with near-death experiences, the whole world was now like a kaleidoscope of blessings. Now I may have been reborn, but I am not a fool. Lessons were learned. I do hereby promise to never, never cry shotgun again.
Oooooh. Sinus problems. Gum disease. Tongue crud. The Atkins diet. That’s what halitosis means to me–a few of my not-so-favorite things.
V-Grrrl
I saw something on TV recently about this very subject. Apparently, we are unable to detect our own bad breath. Personally, I always assume the worst and keep breath mints in my purse at all times and pop one whenever I’m going to be in close quarters with someone.
However, her problem sounds like it is beyond the powers of Ice Breakers. You really should tell her, kindly and privately. Years ago my dad told a good friend of his that he had halitosis and the friend was extremely appreciative. The guy went to the dentist and got some work done, and the problem was solved.
I’m going to agree with Mel on this one and say that you should very discreetly point it out. My music teacher (years ago) had wretched breath and it turned out to be an absessed tooth. Nothing a dentist couldn’t take care of though.
I will say, though, I am highly aware of my own breath. I know exactly what it smells like and how to fix any unlovely smells emitting from my trap.
Now I’ve got to restock my Altoids.
That is just gross. There is a line in blogging, and you just crossed it. Ugh. I picture dying teeth in a woman’s mouth, and a Pepe Le Pew like stench cloud leaving her face whenever she speaks. Groosssss.
John, you obviously don’t read dooce.
There is bad breath, like the morning after a kegger, and there is Halitosis. Bad breath is, usually, a temporary situation that toothpaste, mouthwash and mints can deal with. Halitosis is something much more hideous. Halitosis is always there and no amount of mints, mouthwash, kerosene or paint remover can help. It has to be treated. And boy howdy does it stink. I feel for the folks who are plauged with it.
My boss has a similar problem, but it’s the smell of garlic! There is something about the odor of garlic being emitted from a person that makes me want to vomit.
To add to this loveliness, she’s also a spitter! Ughhh…
Oh I read dooce. Things that smell horrible and disgusting are meant to come from the bum. But the mouth is where you speak from and where you kiss people. And if it smells like ass…well…you get where I’m going.
How painful. I wish more people knew that they should brush their tongues (along with their teeth) and that drinking water throughout the day can really help alleviate bad breath.
I don’t know what to tell you. I’m so sensitive to odors - mine and other people’s - that I might be forever scarred if someone told me I had bad breath. But then again, I wouldn’t think twice if someone offered me a stick of gum. So there’s my wimpy, path-of-least-resistance advice.
I, too, have lived thru the dead hamster in the vent stench as well as having a French teacher in junior high who’s breath could peel expensive wallpaper off of a wall. He always liked getting right into the students’ faces and enunciating the proper French pronunciation repeatedly until one had to beg for pitié. Horrid, horrid times, I tell you.
Until very recently, I would have suggested utilizing the old breathe-through-your-mouth-to-circumvent-your-sense-of-smell trick, to which I referred on my blog when recounting the unfortunate details of a wayward case of flatulence and my kid’s Tae Kwon Do class.
A reader responded and warned that bypassing the nose is the worst thing you can do as it filters out the microscopic particles the mouth cannot.
“You were eating poop,” he advised.
Hence, I have no constructive suggestions except to perhaps clandestinely send the boss a pack of Breath Assure.
It’s called zactly breath… as in your mouth smells zactly like your ass. I carry a little spray sample of perfume and kleenex to mask smells I don’t want to have anything to do with. Like sitting behind a farter on the plane. You spray your kleenex and waft it under you nose or just hold it there if it’s bad.
You really should tell her. Breath like that is frequently a sign of some kind of disease, so you could be saving her life.
Ugh one of the bosses in my office has this problem. And he likes to lean down over you when he is pointing something out on your computer screen. It’s like being trapped underneath a pile of stale laundry. Yuck!!!!
Perhaps you could try writing an anonymous note? This way, if she does have something seriously wrong in her mouth you could help her without the face to face embarrassment.
Me personally, would not be able to tell someone face to face unless they were a member of my famliy. AND ESPECIALLY not a boss person.
Good luck, that sucks to be amongst a big old stinky mouth.
I too am a hellitoxic boss survivor. He was a traveling salesman. We assumed he was eating roadkill while he was out there on the road. Driving by a dead squirrel and making a mental note of where to get lunch after he finished his next sales pitch.
Say “Take the hint! Have a mint!” with a big smile and pass out mints to everyone within earshot — smiling all the way. Do this often. Deep down, everyone is so self conscious that ultimately your whole office will be packing Altoids.