White lines.

What is your ONE thing? You know — the one thing that pisses you off more than anything else in the world?

Mine has to do with parking. More specifically, messy parking.

I’m thinking of this one white minivan that parks in my ramp at work. Five levels there are, and somehow, this same fucking minivan manages to hunt me down and park next to me almost every day. I’ve even changed levels to escape it, but with no success. Mother. Fucking. Sienna. Minivan.

Whether I arrive before or after the Sienna, I somehow always find myself next to it. Sure, I could drive on past and search for another spot. But alas, no other spots are convenient. Every day, the minvan’s right rear tire encroaches into my parking space — to the point where I can’t even open my car door fully. ivermectina e albendazol Nothing like having to crack open the jaws of life just to get out of your vehicle every morning. ivermectina concentracion

But on a broader level, I have questions. Questions that demand answers. How can you NOT steer your way into a space marked by six-inch white lines that are placed six feet apart from each other? Where are the parking ticket police when you need them? anti itch cream ivermectin And for god’s sake, when did Mr. Magoo ditch his jaunty sedan for lame-o minivan?

20 thoughts on “White lines.”

  1. My thing? People who, once they have a cell phone glued to the side of their head, think that somehow thier conversation is much more important than anything else going on around them. Example: Standing in line at a deli, dude in front of me chatting away about something important like how big his latest turd was that he gave birth to this morning, he is then asked for his order and raises his hand in a “hold on one sec little person I’m just getting to the good part where I flush” and puts a speed bump in the whole getting my lunch process. It got so bad at that deli that they actually put up a sign that states “No cell phone usage while in line” That’s sad.

  2. The mother-fucking fuck faces at the private school my kids attend. Yeah, I know, that sounds bad – but I’m not the one calling myself a Christian. Anyway, these assholes speed through the school zone, cut in front of you (after you’ve been sitting in line for 15 minutes) so they don’t have to wait to drop their kids. Oh right. I forgot. Where they have to go this morning is MUCH more important than where I have to go. Every day I take the kids and pick them up I have to bite my tongue. What I would give to be able to say, “Fuck you, you fucking fucker fuck face!” Or even, “God bless you asshole!”

  3. One day, a new line will open up next to me at the grocery store, and the person 2 places behind me will jump to the front of it, and I will be forced to tear into the flesh of this beast bare handed and remove the giblets.

  4. My favorite is White Lines Dyslexia. Vertical lines appear as horizontal lines to the driver, thus parking perpendicular to the parking space, taking up 2 spaces! Or 3 if you’re a Free Tibet Lexus!

  5. People who won’t let you into traffic when you are getting off the interstate ramp, just so they can be the FIRST person to the stoplight 20 yards in front of you.

  6. Cell phones in restaurants. I’m paying to be cooked and served dinner on dishes I shall not be washing… away from my ringing telephone -not. Cell phones ringing all around, with cutsie (gaaak) rings – annoying the shit out of me. And why when someone is speaking on a cell phone must they raise their voices so we all can share in the conversation? Shut the hell up or take it outside. Gee that felt good.

  7. Personally, I don’t like it when people touch things that belong to me. Let me clarify. If you want to borrow my phone, or camera, or want some chips out of my bag, there are steps to follow.
    1. Ask
    2. Wait for permission
    3. Take the appropriate action according to my answer
    Do NOT ask if you can have some chips when your hand is already in the bag. If you do that, I have full authority to take your hand. And you had better ask for it back in the proper manner.

  8. This is an issue I’ve occasionally encountered since moving to Europe–dealing with people who cannot wait in a line. About once a month, someone will cut in front of me in a line AS I’M TRANSACTING BUSINESS–i.e., in the act of buying my bus ticket, ordering my sandwich, paying the rest room attendant. They shove in as if I’m mute and invisible. The worst offenders? Women who appear to be 55 and over!

    My second gripe is people who refuse to share a busy sidewalk or narrow passageway and rather than stepping aside or turning slightly so we can pass, they clip me with their shoulders or force me off the sidewalk or into a wall without so much as a “Pardon” or “Excusez-moi.” I feel like I should wear body armor and barrel through the human traffic myself.


  9. People who use the drop off drive thru at elementary school and then get out of their car and WALK THEIR CHILD TO THE DOOR!! Park and walk the hell in if that is what you must do – this is the DROP OFF line NOT the “walk in leaving my car in your fucking way” line.

    And just because you are old don’t give me that “I’m just the grandma and don’t know how all this new fangled stuff works” shit face either!

    Thanks. I feel better now.

  10. people who walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk…its the same as cars, STAY ON THE RIGHT already!

    cars that ride my tail, when there’s NO WHERE FOR ME TO GO. hello – can they not understand i have a car in front of me as well!? should i just drive over them to make way?

    lastly, self-scan check out lines. if you aren’t intelligent/quick enough to get a job at the store doing this , then you should NOT be doing it “just for fun” in front of me in line. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE A QUICKER SOLUTION. do NOT bring fucking 30 items, including the inevitable “no barcode” items like a lb of grean beans, and then sit and get out your f’n reading glasses while you scan down the list w/ your finger while i’m ripping my eyes out of my head in impatience.

    thank god its friday.

  11. While driving, some asshole cut me off, and when I looked over, she was drinking out of a thermos and had her phone propped under her chin gabbing away, so intently I dont think she even remembered that she was supposed to be driving. I was grumbling “you stupid bitch” under my breath so my son wouldnt hear and all of a sudden he pipes up and says ” I hate stupid people”–like mama use to say, the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. It gave me a good laugh and was pleased that I am passing along by distaste for stupidity on to my children.

  12. People who leave shopping carts in the middle of parking lots, especially when there are conveniently located cart-parking spaces available. One day, while waiting for my husband, I counted 5 people who could not be troubled w/ this task. The main culprits, 20 to 30ish year old males!!! Come on, gimme a friggin’ break…and thanks for the door-dings, asswipe!

  13. I thought I would let you know…YOU WON AN AWARD!!! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! YOU SHOULD CELEBRATE!!!
    PS…I gave out the award…
    I am starting a ‘blog of the week’ thing, and since this was the first week, i gave it to several bloggers…5 to be exact…and you are one of them. So please check it out, and read your co-winners. I thought I’d let you know, and please tell me if you want something changed. Normally, I will never change anything, but I am in a gracious mood seeing as it is the first week of awards 🙂
    Enjoy your weekend!

  14. I have to pick ONE? Only ONE thing that pisses me off above all others?

    All right, I’ll try.

    When people don’t allow you to exit before they try to enter. Don’t fucking push your way inside – a store, an elevator, a public restroom – before I’ve exited. First of all, it’s really fucking rude – didn’t your mother teach you any manners? Secondly, it’s completely illogical. There will be MORE ROOM for you in there if you let me OUT first. If you insist on shoving your way inside before I get out, then it will be that much harder for both of us to get where we want to go.

  15. All of the above.
    OK,OK, I’ll play by the rules. Anyone who has visited Greece (Athens, in particular, where I live) will back me up on this: My ONE thing, the thing that absolutely drives me m-a-d is “the Greek driver”! They’re obnoxious, ignorant of the Greek Motor Vehicle Code, have no idea what right of way means, the “stop” sign is for fools, there is no such thing as a yellow light, mirrors exist only to fix eye-makeup and check nose-hair, and don’t even get me started on parking. ARRRRRRRGH!

  16. Right on, Julie… just one?? Four way stop sign idiots. Please–don’t be polite. Just follow the damn rules, OK?

  17. My one thing, actually… I have several, but you said “One Thing”, is when people call me “Kim” and they know that my name is “Kimberly” and that I hate being called Kim! My name on my birth certificate is Kimberly and I introduce myself as Kimberly and even tell people that I don’t like being called Kim… so come on! Why can’t people get it through their skulls that I don’t like being called Kim? One person even had the audacity to tell me that I should just get over it and just live with being called Kim… let’s just call this person Judy (not real name), okay “Judy” ~ then let me just call you June or Judith or even Joan… since names aren’t that important!!!

    Names are important! That’s why when my precious little girl was born, my husband and I waited and waited until we found the perfect name for her ~ one that could not be shortened in any way… just because I have had such nightmares over the years with my own name being shortened.

    Thanks for letting me rant about this!

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