Fruit of the womb.

Well it seems my eggs have gone and turned tail on me. I got a call from my ob-gyn the other day, saying that I am not ovulating, and that is why I am not getting pregnant so easily this time around. No, I’m not going all Duggar on your asses. It’s just that we would like one more child, if for no other reason, to give untitledson an underling to maim and torture. What kind of childhood would it be if he never got to experience the invisible line down the middle of the back seat or a sibling-enduced Dutch oven?

Last month, I took my first round of Letrozole, which is actually a breast cancer drug. Strangely enough, they’ve found it helps women ovulate, much like Clomid, but better. This next cycle, they are doubling my dosage. I fully expect an emotional rodeo, given the mood swings I (OK — we) endured last month.

All this waiting around for conception has got me thinking. How come you never see childess white trash? Why do people feel they can ask you if you plan on having more children? If it’s so hard to get pregnant, how come there are so many unwanted pregnancies?

When it comes down to it, I’m quite scared about all this. I’m scared those stupid little pills won’t work. I’m scared my doctor fucked up my reproductive system when giving me my C-section last time around. I’m scared untitledhusband will want to give up before I do. I’m scared I’ll spend the rest of my life wanting a second child. I’m scared I’m getting old. I’m scared that somehow, this is all my fault, because I waited too long, I eat too much, I don’t go to church.

15 thoughts on “Fruit of the womb.”

  1. My sister-in-law is going through the exact same thing. The grief she has gone through is horrible. I feel for you. The only thing I can suggest is to give in to the will of the universe. If it is meant to be it will happen. Also adoption is an option. We were trying to adopt a child from china last year and ran into financial constraints that kept us from moving forward with the process. That was an emotional rollercoaster too. I hope it works out well for you.

  2. Best of luck to you…I have no children, wanted them badly. I agree with the W.T. statement…it really makes you wonder…I actually had several surgeries to correct my “problem”, alas, no babies….they did say that I was an egg making machine however….love your site…

  3. I have no children….and wanted them badly just like Jennifer. Being almost 40… at least once a day Im asked when Im going to “give in” and have children. It hurts to field the questions and I can not believe how easily people ask without thinking that maybe I can NOT have them. Good luck with your medication…….

  4. I have been in your shoes!8 years of surgeries, drugs ( not the fun kind) tests, sex on schedule-yeah hubby loved that one, he said he felt like a damn stud horse and wished he could be turned into dog food instead of “rising to the occasion” on demand! You are entering the most crazy of roller coasters and you WILL at some point say FORGET IT–but don’t. You will have another child and he/she will give you glorious days and days that you want to smack your head into a wall repeatedly mumbling “I can’t believe I really did this on purpose”. Chris

  5. You’ll have another kid. It’s bound to happen. How could it not? And don’t even worry about untitledhusband ‘giving up’ before you do. Doesn’t making babies involve sex? You’ll have another baby. So let’s skip that subject and move on to what happens when you get tax write off #2. Having a second kid entails a lot of work. For the first kid. As the first child, I got upset when my brother was born. I asked my parents if they could give him back and get me a sister. They didn’t, and now I’m gay. I think that was what did it. So I think you should worry more about what happens when spawn2 arrives, rather than when. Cuz the baby is coming. It’s sitting on a cloud right now thinking ‘When would be the absolute WORST time for me to move to untitledwomb?’

    It will happen. Just give it some time!

  6. I totally agree with John! However I was more concerned when my sister was born because I had the first birthday of the year which OF COURSE made me the oldest. My sister was born the month before me and I was PRAYING that my mom would be in labor until after my birthday so my sister wouldn’t be older than me.

    And as far as childless white trash, it’s called personal responsibility. If you have it, you’ll never become white trash. If you have none, it will be your destiny.

    The good news? At least having another kid means lotsa sex. Even though we’re in the midst of trying… sex really isn’t going to help us.

  7. I know the feeling sister. I have no children yet, I’m 32 my mother says I waited too long. I was responsible and used bc while I was a single gal having pre-marital relations & now it seems like that was a big waste of time. Been trying for almost a year now. Sucks.

  8. My two sister-in-laws are success stories.

    One tried for years to conceive, took Clomid, had surgery, hubby had treatments, and they eventually conceived. That was baby #1. It took the same rigamarole to conceive babies 2 and 3. At the ripe age of 39, hubby convinced her to consider one more for the road. She said she’d try but would not do the whole long surgery and fertility process again. They conceived naturally the first month they tried. The icing on the cake–all her pregnancies included bedrest to fend off preterm labor and high blood pressure. All, that is, except the LAST. Four boys–ages 11-4 years–all loved, all healthy, all happy.

    My other sister-in-law is in her mid 30s with various health issues. Lots of fertility treatments for her and her hubby. She also wasn’t ovulating. She’d had a miscarriage. Gave up trying. Wound up in the hospital for one of her many health problems and discovered she was pregnant.

    What you’re going through now is just paving the way for the joy and gratitude you’ll feel later when untitledII arrives on the scene to challenge the supremacy of untitledI.

    V-Grrrl

  9. untitled, I am 44. I have worked my whole life, and have never wanted children (other than a brief hormonal rush at 21). I have lived my whole life thinking that I still had time. But I gave the last ten years to a man who didn’t deserve them, and now face the fact that most say we are virtually infertile at 40. I know what you are feeling. I guess all I can say is be thankful for what you have…you have had the experience, I will likely never. And I, too, never go to church and eat too much! Sometimes I feel the fear you describe, but when I really look at it, it is not the fear of not having children, it is the fear that half (or more) of my life is over and I am yet to call myself truly happy. I, and all your readers, wish you luck. But if it doesn’t happen, be happy that you have a child, a man that loves you, and your health. In the end, that is what matters.

  10. i am glad there is something better than clomid (which failed us). the injectibles finally worked for us with IUI. bugger me if i could remember the name of the injectible hormone. anyhow.

    i will i could allay your fears. i have similar ones about chosing not to have a second – regret for the rest of my life. be gentle with yourself and communication the the husband even when he is being a guy and well, not communicating, or whatever they do.

    best,

    jen

  11. I’m sorry you guys are going through this hell. My best friend from HS is in the same boat – going the IVF route – and I am her cheerleader. I will not offer assvice or false reassurance, but I am a damn good cheerleader and I wish you guys the very best.

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