I went to a company meeting yesterday. In attendance were the usual folk, along with a woman I call Calvin Klein. You know the type — a tragically thin, Volvo-driving country clubber, long hair pulled back in a perfect straight ponytail, dressed in understated designer clothes that scream “not that I give two shits, but yes, this t-shirt cost $75.”
Well, yesterday in the day-long meeting, Calvin cracked. She let me see what amounted to her beautiful fuckupedness. The meeting started well before 8 a.m., and I would be surprised if anyone got a chance at breakfast. So by the time noon rolled around, we were all starving. It was the kind of hunger that can only be summoned by endless PowerPoints and meaningless drather about workflow kaizens. In situations like this, no one wastes time placing napkins on laps or waiting for all to get their food before digging in. Amid the grunts and crunching, we all mowed our rations down without so much as a trace of grace or discipline. That is, all of us except CK.
When no one else was looking, I noticed that CK put only a small bit of food on her plate. She picked at it, ate a few bites, and then threw a napkin over it, as if it were a dead body. She then took her food out of the room and returned one minute later. The plate of food did not return with her. Being the food dysfunctional that I am, I saw right through these antics to her obvious eating disorder.
While I wish eating issues on no one, it is comforting to see that all of us — even the perfect skinny beautiful ones — have our own personal shit to deal with every day. Perhaps I am not the only one possessed by the cookies in the break room or the M&M’s in vendoland.
Last Friday, when we were in Atlanta, we went to our favorite sushi bar. I had been DREAMING of that night. I went off the deep end. I ate so damn much food it was ridiculous. One prick of a pin on my over-inflated stomach and I would have flown off in a furious discharge of tuna and sake rocket propellant. The famous words “I’ll never do that again” were almost uttered. I knew better. It will happen again at some point. I just love food too much. My gluttonous mind is already starting to think about what’s on the menu for Thanksgiving…
I can not understand how people starve themselves like that - It just drives me crazy!! Me, I LOVE food, can’t get enough of it. Thanksgiving?? Oh man! the best holiday ever, next to 4th of July for BBQ or Memorial Day for BBQ or Easter for ham…I think I need to go have lunch now!
Perfect description of the Calvin Klein woman.
Those types just drive me nuts. Especially when they layer like 4 articles of clothing, and still have a waist that is smaller than my calf.
Me? I wear elastic pants to thanksgiving.
Oy! I love your use of adjectives. This is what advertising is doing to people, and have been doing to people for years and years. It is really sad when you see it first hand. And. you. know. what they are doing.
You should have suggested a fat transplant and generously offered to be a donor so she could have a shot at looking normal. Remember though–keep the white meat for yourself and only offer to share the dark meat. Everybody loves the white meat. Never seems to be enough ; )
V-Grrrl
No one ate anything DURING the meeting? Not even a granola bar?
I must be really crass. I used to bring bowls of peas to meetings. You call a meeting during my lunchtime, my peas had better be welcome too.