In watching W’s pathetic “Too Little, Too Late” address the nation last night, I kept wondering WWBD (What Would Bill Do)? Blow jobs and cigars aside, Saint Clinton could lead himself a country. Tell me you don’t miss him. TELL ME.

When Bill was at the helm, we were safe. We were cared for. And Bill would never have let what happened happen. Bill would’ve had a plan. His action would’ve been swift, complete and without hesitation. I imagine the highlights would’ve played out like this:

On the weekend before the storm, Bill would lead dozens of Winnebagos around the city, in an effort called “Katrina Karavan.” Perched atop the lead vehicle in a lawn chair and a megaphone, he’d lure holdouts out of the city with free rides, free BBQ and a video loop of “Girls Gone Wild.”

One day after the storm, he’d sic a machete-wielding Janet Reno on the asses of anyone hauling electronic equipment out of stores.

Two days after the storm, Bill would address the country live from the French Quarter. Backed by a brass band, he’d bust out his sax ax for a jazzy rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In.” Within the hour, the MP3 would be posted on iTunes, with all proceeds going towards hurricane relief.

Four weeks after the storm, he’d dissuade returning residents from drinking the tap water with an educational media campaign called “Since the water’s not clear, let’s have a beer.”

All things being said, we’ve got ourselves a serious situation down south. How sad that it took our President three weeks to figure that out.

8 thoughts on “WWBD?”

  1. As long as you’re not in the Gulf States, just dandy.

    Oh by the way, AK, where do you think all the money he’s promising for the rebuilding effort is going to come from? Kiss your tax cuts and federal programs good-bye….

  2. Ugh! Let’s leave stinkin’ politics out of it. I just wanna read funny stuff. By the way, neither one of them would have made a difference. Mother nature is control here, lest we forget. Those boys in DC are just playing grown-ups. (As if they think they they can stop the big lady!) No matter what we do or how we much we build, we will always get reminders that we are still just tiny, and rather delicate, organisims sharing this earth.

  3. You got it, Ace. I MISS BILL OH YES I DO and never has the contrast between the two men been more palpable than during this national crisis. They said Bill was the first black president and it was true. The downtrodden and neglected need an advocate and he was the man for the job. Empathy is a dying passion.

  4. I shook hands with Bill Clinton, Oh yes I did! When he was traveling around trying to win votes in his first election, he stopped in my little home town and I got to shake his hand. ( I know, woopdie dooo LOL)

  5. I met Clinton when he was Gov. of my state. Nice guy. Clinton definitely seems like a Saint now compared to the devil running our country. I’ll take Clinton’s accent over Bush’s stupid ass smirk anyday. I’m not sure how anyone who voted for Bush can stand behind him now. It’s crazy. I met a drunk homeless guy singing “I gotta pee…I gotta pee” outside my office the other day that had more sense than Bush. Oh wait, Bush does know when he has to pee. Nevermind. 🙂

  6. I miss him every day. I don’t care who’s sucking your wanker as long as you can run the country and not sell us down the river to your Saudi friends.

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