Requiem for a tampon.

OK, this is gross, but it must be written. Because I am sure this has happened to at least one other person out there. Anyone? Anyone?

My dog, a smelly old weiner dog with rancid breath and wretched farts, snatched a used tampon from my bathroom garbage can (yes, it has a lid), ATE it, and then POOPED IT OUT in our backyard. If that doesn’t blow out the disgust-o-meter, I don’t know what does.

As the action went down, I watched on curiously through the kitchen sliders. All said, it was better than HBO on Sunday night. He spent the better half of an hour trying to pinch it off, tail spastically jacking it out like a old-fashioned water pump. A more compassionate dog owner might have gone out there to help expunge it. But imagine what THAT would’ve looked like. I love my dog, but not enough to dig a dirty tampon out of his blowhole. Even if I were inclined to perform said sphincter surgery, what would I use? Two sticks? A pair of tongs? I think not. Instead, I let nature take its course. If he didn’t make it through this ordeal, then he wasn’t meant to. I’d just have to chalk it up to doggy Darwinism.

Well, he eventually passed the putrid little plugger. Smack dab in the middle of our backyard, which is smack dab in the middle of suburbia. Before I could get out there and scoop it up with the pooper scooper, my husband ran over it with the lawn mower and POOF! A feather-dusting of white fluffy tampon particles fluttered down from the sky. I imagine few tampons experience such a dramatic exit. For most, it’s a simple burial at sea.

If I had been inclined to recite an obit, it wouldn’ve gone something like this. “Farewell old friend. You did your job — passing not through one orifice, but two. And for that, you get the grandest send-off of all. Asses to asses. Dust to dust. Be off, you nasty thing, you. Return to the earth, the cotton fields from whence you came. For your work here is done.”

33 thoughts on “Requiem for a tampon.”

  1. Hahahah this has happened to me before, minus the lawnmower scene. We had a rottweiler that would eat EVERYTHING. Whole diapers, I tell you. Everything.

  2. I have to say this is, without a doubt, one of the funniest five paragraphs I have read in my life. If that was caught on film… Wow!

  3. OK…I was just in a panic searching on the internet to find out how harmful this is because my Boston named MAX just got into the trash and ate my tampon!!!!!!!!! Sounds like he will live, Thank God!!!

  4. my dog just ate a tampon out of the rubbish, im glad its not just me!!!! i was extremly worried, but it appears i dont need to be!!!!! lol

  5. Oh god, im so worried my dog has just eaten my tampon too! but she’s a jack russell and im scared it mite get stuck inside her!

  6. Oh boy, this seems to be turning into a recovery group rather quickly. My friend found this link for me tonight after I found a bag of bathroom trash strewn around the livingroom floor. Unfortunately I have two culprits, both with a history of liking such treats, so I’m not really sure who to watch. It’s always something with these dogs, I tell ya! Thanks for the laugh!

  7. I especially like the obituary part(asses to asses!) My dog(a beagle mix) goes crazy for these things also. He salivates at the waste basket. If he happens to get a hold of one he runs away with it as fast as he can ,ingests it (I usually find remnants of paper and string for proof of this) and then he poops it out. He also eats used sanitary pads. I thought he was the only freakishly gross dog out there that does this but I’m happy to see he isn’t.

  8. A couple of weeks ago, my 2 year old terrier mix, did the same thing and I started searching the net, to see what I could find. It was nice to find this on line. I just wanted to add what happened, incase others go through it too.
    He ate it at 4:30am. 3:00pm he ate dinner and went out to poop. I knew it was too soon, to look for the tampon. That night at 9pm he went out and ate grass like a goat. For about 20 minutes straight. Came in, 20 minutes later started licking his lips and then went out again and ate grass. He did not throw up and at 3am, I gave up and went to bed.
    At 9am, I heard this awful sound and it hit me that he must of threw up. He did, right on the bedroom floor. The weirdst part is that it was a perfect rectangle, wrapped in grass. It really was amazing how perfect the grass was wrapped. Of course, I had to be sure and busted it apart. It was odd looking but when I found the string, I knew for sure I had it. Then he went out side and pooped. So this thing stayed in his tummy for 29 hours and his food was able to pass through.
    So if it happens to your dog, it’s either heads or tails. I will leave you with this, it was a super tampon and my poor daughter felt so bad. She had even called from work to ask if he was still alive.

  9. Just went online cause my dog this the same thing last night. About 14 hours later, he ate and pooped it out…pretty much still intact. It’s reassuring to know that they can survive this but still the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. Thanks for the amusing twist.

  10. my boyfriend left me a text message yesterday. His mom’s dog, whom he’d been babysitting, had gotten my used tampon out of the trash and . . . yes, ate it. Made quite a mess in the bathroom. I think he might have gone back a second time. I knew other dogs did this.

  11. These stories are very funny but beware tampons eaten can be killers for little dogs. Two days ago our pup papillon (7months) got into the garbage and retreived a tampon and proceeded tp eat it (yes gross isn’t it). I saw her with the string hanging out of her mouth. I tried to tempt her with a liver treat to drop it but there was no way she was giving it up. I chased her round the yard and house but she is so fast and small there was no way i could catch her (now in hindsight i’ve thought of other ways i may have been more successful). She ran under the table and gulped it down all at once. i looked on the web and saw this blog then looked up some vet websites too. I rang the emergency vet who said that it was bad and we rushed her to the vets. They induced vomiting but only small amounts of fluid came out (the tampon had swelled in the stomach and was too large to come back up through the small sphincter into the oesophagus and too large too move into her tiny bowel). Emergency surgery followed and the tampon was removed whole (string and all) from her tiny stomach. She was at the vets all day, overnight and all the next day. She is home now recovering with a very sore wound, a special mushy diet and oral antibiotics. She has to be confined while she recovers, has to be on lead when outside to do her business (so she doesn’t eat anything out there) and is an unwell puppy. The alternative would have been she would have died a horrible death! Apparently if the tampon and string had of got into the bowel it would have cause horrible things to happen. The vet bill was $1088 Aus dollars. Pixie is a much loved member of our family and yes it makes for a funny story but beleive me we’re not laughing now. So particularly if you have a little dog for heaven’s sake keep those tampons well out of reach. Our papillon can jump really high and is a real scavenger so beware. Since this happened to her the vet has old me about other dogs with the same problem. Sorry to be all doom and gloom but thats the other side of the tampon experience.

  12. Well… my dog just ate my tampon too. So glad to know my dog isn’t the only gross dog out there! Anyway, I was laughing and thinking everything was fine until I read the post above this one. Now I’m not sure if I let nature take its course or call the vet… Either way, the story is a good one. Gotta love dogs!

  13. OMG!! I am dogsitting today and I see a tampon string hanging out of this dogs butt. I called the emergency vet and they say don’t pull it whatever you do! The tampon (obviously) swells and can get caught internally. I am so glad this blog is on here, I think the only people finding this would be people with the same damn, digusting problem. But people call your vets just in case.

  14. OMG. One day I went to my mother’s house to let her dog out(black lab) while she was on holidays and to my amazment there was a small string that I thought was a worm hanging out of it’s butt. I pulled it out and it turned out to be a tampon. I have a menstruation fetish and I imediately got a hard dick. So I spit on my head and forced it into her asshole while I held her head. I thrusted in and out until I felt the tingle and climaxed in her rectal cavity. She enjoyed it too. That was the best job I ever had.

  15. Well, actually I was looking for information on dogs that eat sponges…or sponges with scrubby things on one side to be exact… but there’s some reassurance in knowing a (large) dog can live through a tampon experience. I’m just glad mine have never had a taste for them.

    Gord is a sick, sick individual who ruins the fun of this entire page.

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